Roller coaster

It's been yet another emotional roller coaster ride this weekend. Had a super busy week in camp because of the preparation for tomorrow's LRI, but I don't really wanna talk about that. Enough shit as it is already and what's more I'm going back soon to face it. Just know that I was super relieved to book out on Friday after a week of stress and was really looking forward to the programmes lined up for the weekend.

Xin accompanied me to get the chivas from my friend at PS on Friday night. She waited pretty long for me I think cause I booked out quite late but it's all good. After taking the stuff we bought starbucks, sat outside cathay and smoke/talk cock. And then yesterday I brought her to Bung's suprise birthday party and got ourselves drunk silly before sleeping over at my house.

We were lazing around the whole of this morning to afternoon until I received a call saying that my mum got involved in a car accident. Seriously, I had totally no idea how to react. I just grabbed my wallet and hp change up and went out with Xin. It wasn't until we were waiting for a cab at the main road that the idea began to sink in. It's a fucking traffic accident. Anything could've happen. Of course the good news is that my mum wasn't seriously injured, just suffered some burns and knocks but generally still ok.

But what if? The last time I saw my mum was last Saturday. Yes I blame her for alot of stuff that happened and is still happening. But what if it's too late to set things straight? What if that opportunity was taken away from me before I even know about it? Sigh. I guess that doesn't matter anymore. I still don't know what to think.

The most comforting thing is that Xin was with me throughout everything. Tired as she is, tired as we both were, at least she didn't leave me alone. I don't know what to make of this relationship actually. After I ended my previous relationship, I was determined not to go "showhand" into another one again. But how do you actually say you love someone without really meaning it? And how do you control how much you want to love someone so that you don't smother or stifle him/her? I still don't know how. I downright absolutely totally love Xin now. Down to the bits and pieces and I can't help it. She's like everything I want but don't deserve to get and that's why I'm so afraid of losing her. I honestly feel that her world is bigger than mine and she's more than a few steps ahead of me in every way.

Frankly speaking there isn't anything I can do either other than to play catch-up and not let the distance widen. I just wanna watch her sleep, listen to her snore, let her pinch everyday. Please don't take that away from me. Gosh I totally sound like a little teenage girl but what the heck, Xinxin I really love you alot now do you have any idea?