Friday, 26 July 2013

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Hands up if you've watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and think that it probably will be the best movie of 2009, even though we're only into the 2nd month of the year.

Caught it yesterday with one-leg-offline KG and gotta admit although it's very long the plot was also very unpredictable. True to one of its tag lines, "You never know what's coming for you". I highly recommend everyone to watch it, but please go to the toilet first because you'll have to sit through 3 hours and trust me you wouldn't want to miss a moment of it.

I don't know if it's Benjamin Button or Brad Pitt that's cool, but the way he talks and deals with things is really leet. When asked about his relationship with another girl and how it went, he just replied "it ran its course" and that was that, no moaning no complaining no nothing. Another tag line, if I remember correctly, "You can be mad as a mad dog at the way things went; you can swear and curse the fates - but when it comes to the end, you have to let go."

If you're just not into all these philosophical bullshit, just go watch Brad Pitt. As fruitcake as this might sound, I swear he is the most handsome actor I've ever seen, especially when he reversely aged into his early 20s. When he came onto the scene, I couldn't help myself but told KG "Wah sibei shuai sia." Brad Pitt is really ownage.

I had no idea the movie would last so long, which resulted in me being late for Dbl O. But in the end it was alright cause there wasn't any queue at all but it wasted around $10 of my money cabbing down. It's been so long, so so damn long since I last clubbed seriously. Had a great night playing games, drinking, dancing and whatnot. I seriously don't know what's up with the random drunk emo outbursts of our group haha. Just hope things weren't overly-dramatized and everything's all good and we can come out to get ourselves wasted again, SOON! Guess I'd learnt to keep my drunk emo outbursts at home, people who know will know what I'm talking about ;-)

It's Valentine's Day already next week. Sigh. Time passes so fast, I hadn't even had time to hook up any girls yet ccb. Guess I'll confine myself at home and not go out cause you know it really sucks to see all the couples happily walking hand in hand behaving all lovey dovey. Maybe I'll organise a house party for all the bachelors and bachelorettes, maybe I'll head down to Zouk. I don't know. Can Valentine's Day come later???? I seriously need more time.

On the way home in the cab last night, Hx and I were talking about how we are gonna find our next relationship partners and how it's gonna be for marriage because we can't take break ups anymore. Hahaha, I don't know why I said that but I don't think it's gonna work out that way for me. Like hello, please look at my age on your right, I'm not even 21 yet. Marriage? I don't know when it'll actually happen, if it'll actually happen. I guess I had always been too naive. I wanted it all you know, all or nothing, showhand. And it's time to stop playing it that way. I gotta learn to grow up and work around this. I wanna find someone smart, someone independent, someone who can help me and give me a push along the way because sometimes the insecurities I feel seems ridiculous even to me. But then again, you never know what's coming for you. All I can do is to be mindful of the way I am and not going all in every single hand.

Alright, time to talk about happier stuff. I'm booking in later tonight! OMGWTFBBQ. I'm SO HAPPY ABOUT IT, I LOVE BOOKING IN.

Out.

Dislocated shoulder (I think) Ouch!

And so it happened, I dislocated my shoulder. I think I must've dislocated it cause my whole right arm felt like it's only attached to my shoulder by a vein or a string or some sort before I pushed it back, and now the joint hurts like fuck and I can't raise or swing my arm without grimacing in pain.

I can finally understand how CK felt at that basketball match when he dislocated his, the fear of losing control in your arm and the sickening painful decision that has to be made, pushing it back yourself (although if I remember correctly I pushed his arm back for him haha). Lol. Sorry CK. I finally understand it all now.


There's only 2 types of people in this world, those who've dislocated their shoulders and those who haven't.
On hindsight it probably was gonna happen sooner or later. Just like what we learnt in audit, there's always inherent risks in whatever we do such as business risk and stuff. And I guess the same way basketball = sprain ankle risk, gym = INJURIES ALL OVER YOUR BODY risk. I think this is really career-ending, I'm not gonna touch weights again, at least not for another 6 months or so.
Inadequate rest, bad form, inadequate warm-up, so many reasons. But there's only 1 outcome. PAIN! Hope the sinseh I'm gonna see tomorrow don't try anything funny and add on to my already torn and tattered shoulder. Numb is better than pain? You bet.


Shocking and ridiculous

It's perhaps an understatement to say that my mood hasn't been at its best this week. In fact, I haven't recovered one bit since Sunday and it's getting a little worse by the day. Talked to Fel on the phone last night but I didn't really got around to telling her anything on why I've been feeling so fucked up. Okay maybe a little bit, but that's definitely not the whole story. I don't know man, things are just not working out for me in every aspect on my life currently.

Talk about NS, IPPT is a bitch I tell you. Especially SBJ. Fuck SBJ totally. Ok maybe fuck me and my fagging fat legs. I failed my fucking IPPT on Tuesday and if I don't pass it by July I cannot promote to CPL. Worse still, if I don't pass it by October, I'm totally screwed cause no 3SG rank for me. Seriously, the environment I'm working in, I really need the rank in order to command people to do work. Besides, a few hundred dollars less a month till I ORD adds up to a few thousand so do the math, I really need the 9 extra fucking cm on my jump!

My BSM said it's a bad habit to keep long hair. Which I kinda think is true except that my hair is nowhere near the definition of "long hair" even in NS terms? And the man actually said my front is too long. Ok man I got no complaints, I failed my IPPT, I can't get into his good books, might as well give him whatever he wants from now on, as long as he doesn't give me whatever I don't want (high unlikely though).

Of course there are so many other things troubling me at the moment that it's probably very hard for me to find somewhere to begin. I wonder which is the real problem, my insecurities or my inadequacies, but I find both equally ridiculous and yet there's nothing within my power that I can do to eradicate them.

It's starting to feel irritating to be misunderstood sometimes, especially in camp. People look at my tattoos and me smoking and immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm a troublemaker who can't do shit and only know how to chao keng. Chao chee bye. It's pretty fun initially to prove these motherfuckers wrong, and those people whose opinions I don't give a shit about I wouldn't even be bothered to let them know how ignorant and wrongfully judgmental they are. The trouble is, I don't know if it's NS or just life, that sometimes I'm put in a position that I have to put in extra effort to convince people whom I don't give a shit to that I'm someone trustworthy and dependable to work with. Well fuck that seriously. I am me. My tattoos, my lifestyle habits, my choice of words, the way I talk, it all defines who I am. And if you can't be bothered to find out what I'm all about before jumping to conclusions about me, fuck you inside out cause I probably can't be bothered with what you think too.

What's wrong with this fucking world anyway?

Apparently I might just be the mistake. Oh well fuck me too then.

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Wednesday, 24 July 2013

No matter what here I am.

Alright alright I'm through with the negative thinking and whatnot. I'm enlisting next Friday already and I've only got what, 7 more days to go? No time for moping and moaning.

Then again I think I over-partied a little this 2 weeks. Club pub club pub club again, been spending lotsa nights outside and almost drinking everytime I'm out. Making up for lost time I guess, all the time I couldn't party because I was fucking working. Last night at Zouk with Ced, Marcus, Pete, Fel and her friends was gone again...gotta give a shoutout to my man Pete. Wow, this tall and skinny guy just got plenty of girls flocking to him and the best thing about him is his motto - "What's yours you keep but what's mine is also yours." Hahaha everyone needs friends like Pete.

I'm actually heavily behind schedule. Been planning to put in a couple of weeks of training before enlisting but ended up with only 1 jogging and a couple of balling sessions for the past 2 weeks. That's it man I'm gonna be good and go work out today. Afterall.. DXO tomorrow night haha.

Wah lan I really feel like a death row prisoner enjoying my last few days.

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

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Sunday, 21 July 2013

Last Semester

Results for my last semester in SP are, well, pretty expected though not very enviable. B for IAP was the best I could ever dream/hope/die for after getting a B and 2 Ds for the 1st three CAs. I would honestly hope that Brenda, ZT and SB got the same grade as me actually, cause I don't think I did any better than them or any of us were at fault for our failings. It was a pretty tight group, probably the best project group in my 3 years in SP whereby everyone played their parts and took responsibility for the project. At the end of the day, we just couldn't deliver what the lecturers wanted and got crap results.

B for IAP is the sux0rz cause it's got 8 credit units knahmean. Getting A for everything else pales in comparison. Final cumulative GPA of 3.789, wack like...it's just wack. I keep getting crappy grades for those really important modules with high credit units. IS, ITAB and now IAP, omg.

Year 3 turned out to be a pretty good year for me, overall I only got 1 B which is IAP. Saddeningly I couldn't match my highest scoring season for semester 1 of GPA 4 (HAHAHA) but that's only expected. All that's left is waiting to see if I got my diploma with merit. It's not a sure thing, judging from my not very impressive GPA and the fact that I do have a disciplinary record with SP(being fined $50 by SMIT for playing DOTA in school wtf).

My manager handed me a tough audit case today which I was initially reluctant to accept for fear of not being able to handle it. It's a construction company infamously known for their messy accounts and revenue recognition, as well as an uncooperative accounts staff who enjoys bullying greenhorn auditors. After giving it some thought, I decided that it's too good a learning experience to pass up on, and if I somehow manage to complete this case I probably would have gained more benefits than my company or anyone else did for that matter.

To give an idea on how big this company is as compared all the small ones I've done, it's got 2 audit files and I spent the majority of today and probably tomorrow as well just trying to draft the current year financial statement by plucking in the figures from the management's accounts. This is usually a no-brainer job, much like collation, which requires 1/5 of the time that I've spent today. Add to the fact that I'll be doing my fieldwork in Woodlands, things are really not looking good for me at the moment. I wonder how deep it actually is in Woodlands, and how I'm gonna travel to the gym from there. Crazy.

On a lighter note, the trip with homies to Batam is confirmed! Collecting the vouchers and stuff on friday. Finally a successfully planned outing/chalet that does not involve staying over at David's house.

One more thing, my Prostar Whey cocoa mocha flavour and BSN Cellmass just arrived today. Can't wait to start on them tomorrow. Khim got really big from using Cellmass, I wonder if it'll do the same for me. Hopefully it will, he said that the SP dragonboat team members are all eating it! More motivation to train tomorrow, now hand me those weights.

I'm kidding, I hate doing squats but I still do them everytime. If I happen to have a good day tomorrow, more half-naked photos of myself will be up. I know my loyal fans have been waiting for that for awhile, or are you all just hooked to edison's version...

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Friday, 19 July 2013

AAR Tekong

I don't believe that there'll ever be another outfield that is as relac as the one in Tekong. Ok maybe the topo is quite xiong but definitely not as xiong as those they do in SISPEC or OCS. Although we had to do some drills and something like section movement, we also didn't have repeat again and again. The best thing about it is can shower every night and sleep in a generally mosquito-free bunk. Zitao steam ah.

Aiya my biggest dilemma now is that I have to do this peer evaluation for 2 regulars and one of them is Gee. Initially I was gonna whack her and give her 1x jialat jialat evaluation and I don't think anyone would disagree with what I have to say about her. It's not that I didn't take the task seriously and make the effort to get to know her. She was on my team for the last 2 days of the exercise and I've seen firsthand the way she behaves and conducts herself both on the field and back in camp and damn, I don't know why she will wanna sign on and be a regular. All of us, instructors and trainees alike, are irritated by her antics and attitude and the general consensus is that this career path probably doesn't suit her at all.

However, what Eugene told me in the training shed made me change by mind a little. He said that her family situation is pretty tough and that we should just help out whenever we can. Yea man but then again everyone's family situation is tough, that's life, why should anyone have any special priviledge? Then again I'm just a small fry NSF who's gonna serve and fuck off in 2 years my peer evaluation is not gonna change or improve the organisation in any way. The only thing that might be impacted by it is Gee's career. If that's the case shouldn't I help her instead of do her in? I've really got nothing personal against her but it's really just business.

Okay I guess I'll go easy on her but try to be as honest as I can. Afterall Ma'am probably already know her pattern so it's not possible for me to smoke her also. The fucked up thing is that the evaluation gotta be 2-page long! Some 1500-2000 words perhaps? Hong gan liao.

Alright gotta prepare for Dbl O now. I love Friday nights.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

X'mas, Boxing Day rather.

It's that time of the year again whereby there's supposed to be lotsa love, lotsa laughter, lotsa merry-making and most importantly, lotsa presents. Then again I don't really celebrate xmas so it's got nothing much to do with me. Let me tell you how I spent my xmas this year.

I woke up at around 1230pm, ate lunch, played Star Ocean on my psp until around 3plus, slept again until 7pm, woke up for dinner, came back pack my bags for today and went to sleep at around 11pm. That's it. What a holiday huh.

And how many people sms/call to wish me merry xmas? Only one! And that's Fel. HAHAHA. Aren't you honoured Fel? Then again, how many people did I sms/call to wish merry xmas? Answer: Zero. Except replying to Fel. You get the rough idea about my life don't you.

Okay okay so you're thinking I'm a lonely, grumpy and miserable dude. I think so too sometimes. But even if I am, I don't have to act or behave all lonely, grumpy and miserable right? That's how I convinced myself to head down to Zouk on Xmas eve even though I really ought to ground myself due to my very severely tight finances. It's the holidays! I knew I had to cheer myself up...somehow. So I went down with Liting and met up with Samuel and his friends who are incidentally all MY friends now. All I had was a Bourbon Coke cause I'm honestly too broke to drink. Guess it's been a long while since I last left Zouk sober.

Not drunk bo bian, gotta zi-high on the dancefloor to keep myself occupied. Poor people will know what I mean. Btw I sound really noob saying this but I totally loved standing in the middle even though it's very squeezy. Why? Because periodically the smoke will start spewing out from somewhere and it's so thick it covers your face and totally renders you visionless for around 10 seconds. Damn I sound sick but I feel really high when the smoke is in my face and I can't see shit with the loud bass and music thumping.

Yes this sounds really loserish and wrong. Anyway yep that's about all there is to my holidays. I'm not gonna go anywhere on the new year's holidays. Not anywhere happening anyway. I'm determined to ground myself this time round.

My course so far in STC is like...a little back to school for me. It's all lectures and projects and discussions for the first 2 months I heard. The last 2 months will be reserved for OPs. Okay, not too bad, but sometimes it's really very very school-like and it's pretty tough not to fall asleep. We can sleep all we want during our lectures back when we're really in school, but definitely not in our no. 4 uniform and the Major is the one giving the lecture. Not say I very garang wanna chiong lah but I think totally never chiong sua at all also quite sian. Should like chiong a little little bit then relac one corner for very long then is perfect. Maybe the last 2 months will be better, then again, I better be careful for what I wish for.

Gotta start staying in the week after next. Apparently last parade is at 6pm then dinner until 7pm zitao admin time all the way. The gym here really not bad compared to Tekong even though there's no bench press and squat rack. At least there're ample dumbbells. Maybe I oughta start training again to look for a way to spend time other than staring into my psp.

Aight back to the lonely, grumpy and miserable 'thang' I was mentioning earlier. I think one action summarizes my plight perfectly, and that's watching Love Actually alone in my room. Darn I loved that movie actually it's such a sweet movie to watch with a loved one. But I don't think I'll be good enough for that. It's all a big white lie. I'm never the one pushing people away, it's people who's pushing me away cause I'm not worthy enough for anything or anyone. And sometimes I get blinded by the false pretence people put up to make me feel otherwise. C'mon, you don't care about me. Don't pretend you do. Am I just an attention-seeking whore? Is that why I do the things I do, to try to get certain people to notice me? Perhaps. Is it working? Doesn't seem like it.

Man I'm starting to get this perma tobacco taste in my mouth I don't know if it's imaginary or what. Feels like I'm smoking or I've been smoking earlier when actually I'm not. Stinks, really. If it's not the worst smell in the world it's probably top 5 or 10. But I don't think I can fulfil my resolution of stopping after this pack in a while. In fact I said I'll stop after I finish my previous pack but turns out that cannot resist cause how to party without cigarettes? I'm more than halfway through this pack... okay, 1 more pack and I'll stop. Hope to get rid of the perma tobacco taste by then.

Xmas wish, or Boxing Day wish, if I'm entitled to any, would definitely be Man Utd beating Stoke City later on. Logically shouldn't be a problem, but Man Utd had drawn it's previous 2 winnable matches I believe and it's really time to start cashing in on those games in hand so the Top 2 don't run away. Grant my wish ol' Fergie c'mon.

Last week

The most relax/fun/slack course in the whole of SAF is finally gonna come to an end before the week after next is out. I guess I'm really fortunate to have came into this course, even more so that I'm in this frame with this batch of coursemates and this team of instructors. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way if I had a choice. Every single person in each of the 4 syndicates contributed to the liveliness, fun and I'd call success for the running for this course.

As true as ever, there'll always be a few fucked up characters around who'll do something to irritate the shit out of everyone. At the end of the day, I think I can say that we eventually ended up on the winning side because we blanket-ed those who deserved it and even managed to make someone cry right in front of the whole course. Lol! They say that my song "Congratulations..and celebrations..." was the killer blow, but what do I know. I was merely following everyone's lead, particularly Sgt Douglas who's an instructor himself btw. Fuck it, I had fun, everyone had fun, as mean as it may sound, I don't really care.

I thought BMT was tight cause I always go chiong clubbing with my platoon mates. However, this course kinda really owned BMT cause it's so much longer (4 months!) and we got more time to stay together in the same bunk and go through the same shit. This few weeks we're like trying hard to make up for lost time realising the course is about to end. Been pubbing almost every other Friday nights, squeezing in Sentosa trips here and there, singing KTV and even prawning. When the company is good, any activity will be fun. All the more so if it involves ogling at babes or getting wasted hahaha.

I do realise that this entry sounds a tad too emo. But it's true. None of us really want this course to end because all that awaits us is the boring repetitive unit life. Particularly so when VC had warned me before that in the coy line, CQ doesn't really have any friends. Our bunk in STC is somewhat already a home; Ma'am Agnes' constant nagging, Sgt Fazli's sacarsm (Joseph, let's stare at the camo net together and wait for it to erect by itself), Sgt Doug's laid-back friendliness, Master Ahad's literally toothless tekan-ing (I'm the motherfucker from hell! You want heaven? I give you hell!), we're gonna have to live without all of it in a matter of days. The list goes on and on, and I'd really wanna give a big thank-you to everyone in STC for giving me quite possibly the best and most memorable time in my NS life

Szeto asked me before what I wanted to achieve in this course, and then my 2 years of NS. I asked him back and he said all he wanted to do was to make more friends everywhere. I have never felt more of what you might say, a sense of reliance or dependence on my friends before. I have almost always thought of myself as someone who can be isolated, independent and maybe even a little aloof. And I'm proud of that. Recently, I'm just glad to have my friends around me with whom I can just hang out with. It's true afterall, humans are creatures who are dying to get out and socialize. The more the better.

Gotta thank Boonie for bringing me to OCC for a swim this morning too. Had an awesome time swimming after god knows how long, not to mention the killer toilet that's really just WOW. I'm really just glad of all these wonderful people around me helping me keep my days occupied so I don't feel like a pathetic grousy loser perpetually stuck at home. Then again my grandma will tell you that I'm never at home.

Alright gotta go for a haircut and get ready to book in already. More emo rantings next week. Out till then.

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

I'm living with faggot dawgface fuckers.

I think I'm really someone who values logic, rationality and sensibility a lot and it really frustrates me when people around me can't make any sense. I was damn pissed for 5 seconds and totally went red but a thought flashed across my mind and I cooled cause I realised that it was something that I can never change. No point getting pissed about it.

My grandma told me just now that my uncle they all decided to move house to Sembawang and fuck I used to do volunteer there it's like totally inconvenient to everything I'm doing now. Moreover landed property usually very deep in wanna get to MRT station also troublesome. So I asked my uncle if it's true and said that it's very troublesome for us ask if he could find another place. This is his reply:

"Ya can. You tell me how much you wanna chip in for the rent here? That's the only place I can afford whereby the rent is only $2000+ everywhere else is $4000+. I've already decided and have placed a deposit."

Looking at his fucking fat gay face saying all this really made me damn pissed, like challenging me to move out or pay for the rent which he knows I can't. So ok I know there's nothing I can do so I just LL walked away.

Actually ok I understand where he's coming from. The property market really hot so rents are all rising and he has to keep all these dogs so he can't rent a HDB flat either. So standing in his gay shoes this is probably the best he can do. BUT wait, he's always saying that he's getting this big job that's paying $7-8k monthly and he's spending all these money on rubbish ornaments and his fucking gay partner and he's saying he can't pay anything anymore? He definitely ultimately HAS to keep all these dogs? It's like saying his mother (my grandma) and me can't even compare to his dogs. Ok maybe I can't afterall I'm just a nephew. What about my grandma? His own mother? Giving her $50 a month and she gotta buy his meals pay the phone bills and shit?

And all the while my mum just sit beside dun dare to speak a word. Why? Because they are on the same side. He has to provide for his gay partner, while my mum has to provide for the gigolo she's keeping. I don't even see my dad more than 3 times a month so he's not even a factor. My mum has never given my any money since primary school and even now that we are living together. Maybe last time we didn't stay together she can say she don't see me everyday no chance to give me. Apparently she thinks that her son is some godlike being who can survive without earthly objects such as money. It's ok cause I've gotten used to it and it's not like I can expect anything from them. All these are things that neither me nor my grandma can change again. I gotta admit I was disappointed at how my "family members" are behaving, but then I remember that they are not myfamily, just people lending my grandma and I a shelter so really nothing should and could be expected from them.

The thing that I'm really pissed about is that I still got a few more months of poly left and then still gotta serve NS before can start working. Recently school got this career talk people from ACCA and KPMG etc. came and got me thinking about the future. After today, the future seems so certain for me. No more university, no more wasting time. It's gonna be straight to work after NS. Why? Because I wanna get my grandma and I out of this shelter that they seemed to be giving us out of pity and not anything else, and I know I'm better than all these and definitely my grandma deserves more than what she's getting.

I can't blame them cause it's their lives and that's the way they have chosen to live it. But they gotta bear the consequences, and that is being a fucking gay my uncle will never have offspring. That way when he's old, no one's gonna take care of him. If he's gonna ask for money from me, I'm gonna spend all the spare money I have keeping pigs and dogs and cats and whatever but he's definitely not gonna get a cent from me. Same goes to my mum. She's like 48 now so I don't think she will have another child with the gigolo. So my mum, her gigolo, my uncle and his gay partner can all hug together and die with their dogs 10-20 years from now while I look on from a better place.

Ungrateful maybe, cause afterall they're providing grandma and me with a shelter to live in for the time being. But ungrateful is exactly how they've been to my grandma and that's exactly what they're gonna get from me. Maybe I'll go to hell for having this kind of thinking or doing what I'm gonna do in the future, but I don't mind cause I know I'll definitely see them there too.

Forgive and forget? No fucking way. Especially to my family. No fucking way.

Friday, 12 July 2013

Post-drunk madness

I think it's safe to say that I haven't gotten this drunk in quite awhile. Puked - thrice, inevitably doing some collateral damage to the shirt I'm wearing, the unfortunate bike parked at the roadside, and probably certain parts of the cab that I'm on. I'm apologetic over my behaviour, yes I really am, but I couldn't have been able to show it last night to the people whom might be affected so take this as a make-up session alright.

2 names instantly popped to my mind when I think about who I should apologise to regarding last night. First up is Samuel. Sorry for ruining your night and giving you false hopes about all the ho liao and cai that's supposed to appear. None did, but instead we got the exact opposite in the form of Mr. BBY lol. Hahaha, I swear this won't happen again.

Next will of course be my dear Xin sis. She had this rather ill-advised agreement with me to meet after my Zouk for supper at her house that area and I'm pretty sure she regretted it the moment I asked Samuel to call her on my behalf. The last time we went Dbl O Fabian was the bloody wasted one and I was so freaking sober to take care of him. I think that must've contributed towards her thinking that I'm usually like that in clubs, which evidently I'm not. She kept saying that I was torturing her the whole night, but who's the one getting pinched all over on the arm and got his cigarettes confiscated huh. I asked her to help me keep my cigarettes, cause I was afraid I'd roll all over and flatten them in my drunken stupor, and to return me tomorrow when we meet. Instead, she took them out one by one and put inside her cigarette casing thinking that I wasn't looking. That's stealing!

Then again, I made her stay up till 4 plus which resulted in her being late this morning for her friend's birthday beach bash. I guess a little tax is more than justifiable. Sorry Xin sis, and thanks for not leaving me alone I would've puked my guts out and passed out on the roadside.

I spent the whole week looking forward to this weekend. I thought it would be smashing. That certain changes are bound to happen. That I would be, well, happy. Or happier than before. Now that it's here, none of it is going as thought and planned. Last night was less than enjoyable so I started off on the wrong foot already. Kg working today so I probably not meeting the homeboys. Will tomorrow be better then?

All that logical rational talk last week about me not being suitable to commit in a relationship currently, can you see throught the pointlessness and hypocrisy of it all? Like I had everything under control. Like I can play it cool no matter what. It's all major bullcrap. And what a difference a week made. I was still seething from the chemistry on Friday night, thinking over what went well, what not so well, what needs to be improved on (typical army after action review) and generally giving myself a pat on the back for a job well-done. Fast forward to now, I'm in a wreck and was told under no uncertain terms that 'NO', she doesn't fancy me, albeit ironically in a subtle manner. The sad thing is, I don't seem to be able to handle rejections well, very much in a way like my commitment issues. Which part of N O NO do I not understand?

Sometimes this kinda thing, the harder you push, the worse it gets huh. So I should just let it go and wait for it to get better by itself. In the meantime, I'll just sit around and be devoured by this, emptiness or whatever thats manifesting inside of me. There's really no point in rationalizing anything because it wouldn't matter. You will know what to do, how to feel, what to say, but at the end of the day you'll just behave in the exact opposite manner. As Chris Brown would say, a heart ain't a brain.

This weekend is getting too depressing.

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Samsung Galaxy S III 3 mini 8GB i8190 HSUPA/HSPDA 900/1900/2100 mps 5MP CAMERA FACTORY UNLOCKED Marble White INTERNATIONAL VERSION



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Technical DetailsGSM 850/900/1800/1900; HSDPA 900/1900/2100Super AMOLED capacitive touchscreen 4.0-Inch5 MP Primary Camera, autofocus, LED flash, Video 720p@30fps, Secondary VGA cameraOS Android OS, v4.1 (Jelly Bean), CPU Dual-core 1 GHz, Wi-Fi 802.11 a/b/g/n, DLNA, Wi-Fi Direct, Wi-Fi hotspot, Bluetooth v4.0 with A2DP, LE, EDR, NFC,8GB Internal memory; 1 GB RAM; microSD Memory card slot; Standard battery, Li-Ion 1500 mAhProduct DetailsProduct Dimensions: 4.8 x 0.4 x 2.5 inches ; 3.2 ouncesShipping Weight: 1 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)Shipping: Currently, item can be shipped only within the U.S. and to APO/FPO addresses. For APO/FPO shipments, please check with the manufacturer regarding warranty and support issues.ASIN: B00A29WCA0Item model number: I8190


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Samsung Galaxy S III/S3 GT-I9300 Factory Unlocked Phone - International Version (Sapphire Black)



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The Galaxy S III is powered by Samsung's Exynos quad-core 1.4GHz processor, which is based on the the ARM Cortex A9. It has a 4.8-inch super AMOLED screen with a resolution of 1280-by-720 pixels, which is housed in a shell that is 8.6 millimeters thick and weighs 133 grams.FEATURES: 4.8" Amoled HD screen The S3's enormous screen feels big in the hand, although the device is just 16 per cent larger than its predecessor, the 20 million selling S2.Smart Stay: The phone tracks your eyes, so as long as you're looking at it, the display won't dim or turn off.Direct Call: If you've got a contact on your screen, there's no need to hit call: simply hold the device up to your face and the number will be dialed automatically.Smart Alert: Burst shot and best photo The 8MP camera now offers a 20-shot burst mode and will choose the best photo for you. Photos are now possible at the same time as video filming.Face Zoom and Slide Show: Double tap a face to zoom in; automatic slide show generation zooms in on faces as individual pictures for pictures with lots of people.Social network and camera integration: Automatic tagging of pictures, and the option to send images directly to those identified in them, called Buddy Photo Share, or display social media profile information on screen. Group Tag lets you tag multiple people in one go, if you set up a group first.S-Voice: That's S for Samsung, not Siri. This feature allows you to control your phone through voice, eg to turn up the volume, and to ask it questions.S-Beam: High speed file transfer via NFC and WiFi Direct, between two phones touched together, operating at up to 300Mbps.Pop Up Play: Play video in a window on any homescreen.All Share Play and Cast: Share your S3's screen to a TV, or use the screen as a remote control.


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Wednesday, 10 July 2013

Apple iPhone 4 4G 32GB Quad-band World GSM Phone (Factory Unlocked)- WHITE


Features
  • This is the OEM Apple white iPhone 4.
  • 3G, GPS, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, 5 MPixel, EDGE, iOS 4, 32GB
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Apple iPhone 4 32GB White UK Sim Free Factory Unlocked Stocks, Not branded to any network : This device has never been locked to any network, simply meaning factory unlocked. Also known as legally unlocked / never locked / simfree edition. You can use this device with a SIM card from any 2G GSM 850 / 900 / 1800 / 1900 and / or 3G HSDPA 850 / 900 / 1900 / 2100 networks world wide. Unlike network branded subsequently unlocked iPhones, you can use this device to its full functionallity ; including accepting iTunes, software upgrades & etc.


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Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Sony Xperia Z C6603 Black Factory Unlocked LTE BANDS 1/3/5/7/8/20 International version - Original Sony phone


Features
  • 13 Megapixel Camera
  • Waterproof

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13-megapixel cameraThe 13 megapixel fast-capture camera and the next-generation Sony Exmor RSTM for mobile sensor makes Xperia Z the Android mobile that delivers crystal clear photos wherever, whenever. Great in all light conditionsWith Exmor RSTM for mobile and HDR, Xperia Z takes sharp photos and videos both in lowlight and strongly backlit conditions. The lowlight sensors on front and back make it the first dual Exmor RTM for mobile camera. Smart, sleek & durableNo one knows how to best pack durability into a beautiful design like Sony. The slim 7.9 mm body, with its reflective glass surface, looks and feels slick, but Xperia Z is crafted to be water-resistant, dust-resistant and tough enough to handle whatever life has planned. Water-resistantHow can we be certain? In order to get the high IP55 & IP57 rating, we submerge Xperia Z under water for 30 minutes - and make sure it's good as new when it comes out. It's also resistant to water jets! Smartphone with super powerThe SnapdragonTM S4 Pro quad-core processor gives you super-fast performance, unparalleled graphics and efficient battery use. Find your way on Google maps. Stream the latest YouTube clips with LTE. Or download the newest apps and run them without a hitch. Get it all when you want it - now. Better battery lifeWith Battery STAMINA Mode you have more intelligent battery management and can easily improve your standby time by four times or more. Your phone knows when you're screen is off and shuts down the battery-draining apps you don't need, then starts them up again when the screen is back on. Comes with 2 round pin charger for 110 - 240 volts.


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Samsung Galaxy S3 Mini I8190 Sapphire Black Factory Unlocked World Phone


Features
  • 3G : 900/1900/2100
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  • 4.0" 16M-color Super AMOLED capacitive touchscreen of WVGA (480 x 800 pixel) resolution
  • 1 GHz, Dual Core, 8GB
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Sleek and stylish, the ergonomically-designed marble white Samsung Galaxy S III mini GT-I8190 cell phone takes functionality to another level. Designed with a 4-inch screen featuring Super AMOLED display, this Samsung Galaxy S III (O2) cell phone offers an enhanced view of the content, be it multimedia or websites. Running on the powerful Android 4.1 Jelly Bean OS, which offers a wide range of useful applications, this smartphone helps you with improved efficiency.


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Monday, 8 July 2013

Man Utd 1 - 0 Man City

Promised to update something today so here I am, and I'm gonna talk about the biggest event of the day - MAN UTD 8 POINTS CLEAR AT THE TOP OF EPL. HAHA.

This pic here shows the defining moment of surely a defining match of the season when this asshole Michael Ball tripped C Ron to give Man utd a penalty. This Ball is really one ball of an asshole, illegally stomping on Ronnie's chest and then diving to win Man City a penalty late on. Loser!

Anyway don't get me wrong, as much as I'm a Man Utd supporter, I don't hate Man City. On the contrary, I used to like them almost as much as Man Ud at the start and watch their matches when they were (and still are) considered a low profile team. That was a time when Kevin Keegan managed with surely a no-defence philosophy and you're almost guaranteed to see goals, both scored and conceded, everytime they play. Heck I could even sit down and watch a full match of Man City vs Boro back then.

How times have changed. Under Stuart Pearce they have now so-called made progress from the previous era but they're just not scoring goals which means it's zzz everytime they play. I like Stuart Pearce, I think he has a very funnily-intensified-ji-dong style. Just that with crappy players like Michael Ball around in the team, I'm not sure if they will ever progress. And what with the Joey Barton drama, it's seems an awful lot better to support the team from the red half of Manchester now.

On the other hand, it seems like that has been the case for as long as I can remember anyway.

Hope Chelsea can win at Arsenal tomorrow though, just so Man Utd can clinch the title at Stamford Bridge the way Chelsea clinched theirs playing against Man Utd last season.

Revenge's a bitch. But we all love bitches don't we.

Sunday, 7 July 2013

Elitism

The past week in camp had been horrible again. I had so much anger, boredom, loneliness etc., all the negativity bottled inside of me for that few days but unsuprisingly they all disappeared the moment I signed the Book-in-Book-out book. Hahaha, savouring the long weekend and Man Utd's derby win earlier now before it's back to reality tomorrow night.

Finished my novel - "Then We Came To The End" last week, or was it 2 weeks ago. It's a really light-hearted-dark-humour type of book, but the sacarsm and irony really stings if you can get it. For those who can't, they'll probably think it's a darn darn boring/weird book. Anyway I came across this idea of elitism in the novel and I guess I can identify with this character called Joe Pope. His colleagues thinks he's an elitist, because he doesn't mix with their gossipy clique and perhaps also because he's truly capable, an almost overachiever type of person.

Well for his part, he doesn't think he's an elitist. His defence being that the definition of elitist is someone who believes that he belongs to a group of people that is superior to other individuals or groups. There's also a frequent desire to exclude and sieve out those who doesn't quite make the mark. Joe Pope doesn't feel that he belongs to any group, let alone wanting to make where he belongs to exclusive to others. He's not interested, and doesn't see the need, in belonging to a certain group of people who doesn't serve any useful purpose to him or his work. In a nutshell, he thinks that as an individual he's already above these groups and thus doesn't see the need to join them. The definition of elitist cannot really be applied to him and in a way it makes sense doesn't it.

A particular moving chapter right smack in the middle of the novel called "The Thing To Do And The Place To Be" also left an impression on me. It's about how the boss - Lynn Mason, coped with the fact that she was diagnosed with breast cancer and how she got ditched by her man. She had certain flaws, no more or less than anyone of us would have, but "it was the sum of her parts that, in the end, was not what he wanted." What else is there left to say huh?

After a long interlude of some 6 months, I've picked up Milton Friedman's "Free To Choose" again and decided to give it another shot. I practically gave up on the book at my first try because the economic theories, despite his very best to simplify for the layman as I am, simply blew me away. Perhaps I was too impatient then, but seeing how much time I have rotting in my store I have been able to comprehend better this time round. I'm more than halfway through it now, and it's really informative and in a different but better way, blew my mind away again. Capitalism, seen through Friedman's eyes and explained through his words, is really really l337 that's all I can say. Guess I'm quite an easy person to convince, or do you call that guilible? Hahaha.

On another note, sometimes I wonder if the ability to always stay rational and detach oneself from any situation to take an objective and logical view is a gift or a curse. More often than not it's both, but what exactly am I losing out on? Am I in for the long-haul or not? I'm a pretty mechanical person don't you agree, practical and not compassionate enough if you will. I'm sure my storemen will agree lol.

On yet another note, I'm getting poked again tomorrow! By Hui Xin's brother aka Handsome Eric. I decided afterall to leave my left shoulder and upperback for Joseph to finish since he started it, regardless of the fact that he's a little expensive. Besides I'm not exactly confident I can find someone else to add on to it without altering too much of his style. So it's gonna be chest tomorrow, with the latin phrase but not exactly that big that it splashes across the whole chest. I guess a picture will do the job infinitively better, so stay tuned for the photos tomorrow then.



Saturday, 6 July 2013

Water under the bridge

I guess you can call this a post dedicated to one of my friend who's currently undergoing, in my opinion, a repetitive chain of events. Just for the record, I'm not trying to be the gossiping-know-it-all-love-guru or what, I'm just putting this down while waiting for my hazeline to dry before I can go to bed.

To unnamed friend:

You've said it yourself, you've undergone the same thing so many times now that you're already numb to it. I say, why bother putting yourself through the whole situation all over again? If it'd occured so many times and you still haven't learn anything from it, you really are not very smart are you. You said you won't take him back this time round and I hope you mean it.

I'll be brutally honest, he's not good-looking, he's not rich, he's not smart and it seems that he doesn't really love you alot. You 2 have been together for so long and yet he keeps coming up with all these pattern, you not sian I also sian for you. Please, wise up. I seriously think you deserve much better, I'm sure all your friends think so too. Even Pearly agrees also. Stop wasting your time and youth on someone like this. Although I haven't met him before, I'm pretty sure I'm right about this.

People always say love can't be measured by the length of the relationship, nor does it abide to any rules of right or wrong. But none of us are perfect lovers, there's a always a pragmatic side of us waiting to break out and make love seem like just a 4 letter word. In this case, this pragmatism isn't such a bad thing afterall. It's time for a little more common sense and a little less lovey-dovey ideals. I say, get out more, find yourself a better guy (I'm pretty sure it's not a difficutlt thing cause a random guy on the street would be much better than him anyway) and don't look back.

As Jack from Lost would say, water under the bridge.

More pics

Took these pics earlier before I went to bathe... omg. The lighting is fucking flattering:



I wasn't wearing a G-string and I'm certainly not naked ok. Just wanted to blank it out and leave the rest to imagination...wahaha. See the last 2 packs not out yet? It will be...soon. Right? I certainly don't look like this with clothes on or under normal lighting...shit.

Desaruuuuu

In Hongwu's words, SONG BO SO HAI. LRI's over, ISO I not involved, straightaway qia 2.5days leave starting today.

Going Desaru with Xinxin tomorrow morning for 3D2N and I'm beginning to feel a little excited about it only now. Beach resort, lots of sunshine, relax and chill, definitely my type of holiday. Then again I wouldn't mind shopping, or sightseeing, or basically just anything that gets me away from what I've been doing repetitively everyday.

Work is shit. I hate my work, I hate the people around me, I hate their attitude towards everything. Why does everyone have to be so fucking negative and lazy and immature when it comes to NS? Does NS really retards a person so much? I'm very sure none of these chums behave or think the same as they do now before they enlisted and probably after they ORD. If NS doesn't make someone retarded, one thing it definitely does is to make what's right become wrong and wrong become right. Perhaps there's never a right or wrong in this case, just a case of majority and minority. Being different vs same as everyone else. And what do we all know? Those that are different, the minority, the "wrong" ones are always the ones being lynched, crucified, fucked, whatever. This is like Hotel California, I can check out anytime I like but I can never leave.

Seems that my programme for this weekend is gao gao also. Ferry back from Desaru departs at 3pm probably evening when I reach SG. Then gtg Bras Basah buy my books and meeting the original jiu gui gang for a home party at my place. Following day Sunday gotta book in by 0730 takeover COS duty. I'm taking the lao jiao's advice on this one, party until sibei steam on Sat night then book in on Sunday just to sleep the whole day. Hope everything works out fine.

Xinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxin you're so stupid do you know.

Friday, 5 July 2013

CNY

It's the CNY period once again and it's quite depressing to be reminded of how much my red packet collection has shrunk over the years. I remembered I used to really have quite alot when I was a kid but now...damn. Even my meagre NS allowance owns my red packets for real. Is it an effect of a shrinking family tree? Breaking down of family ties? Then again, the words 'family ties' don't really fit in well with me and my life huh.

I was watching History Channel one night and they showed this 2-hour documentary called Ancient Ink. Totally kicked ass I tell you, the host went on a round-the-world journey searching for everything related to tattoos and the various tattooing techinques. The one that got me squealing was this old japanese guy who literally just used a wooden stick and a hammer to knock it into the skin to tattoo. It's OWWWWW so painful I can almost feel it when the host tried but I got to say it's definitely worth it cause the colouring effect came out like totally perfect, nothing I've ever seen before. The colours were so damn bright and balanced and when he said the modern machine can't do anything like this I'm ready to believe it. Am I ready to try it? NO FUCKING WAY haha. Besides colour wouldn't look good on my skin either so screw that.

Finally went back to touch up on my flamehead 3 days ago. Joseph - the artist, was working on a chest piece on another customer when I just arrived and guess what, the customer fainted on him. First time I've seen someone faint honestly. He just flat out fell forward and blacked out when Joseph was outlining near the collarbone area. Dragged on a while and then was my turn to get poked and I'm so damn glad it was over in 10 minutes. Seriously, whoever tells you that tattooing is not painful really ought to go through a lie detector or some shit. Stop lying, stop acting tough, it hurts like fuck so just admit it.

I guess I'm really a very cyclical person, even the tattooing process goes in a cycle for me. For the first hour I'll stay very calm and enjoy the poking pain, by the 2nd hour I'll be cursing and swearing inside my head and wondering how and why the fuck would I wanna put up with this kind of pain. By the 3rd hour I'll usually come a decision that I'll never get tattooed again. Then when I go home and look into the mirror, I'll start thinking of where and what to tattoo next and it'll start all over again. I've already got ideas in my head now, probably will add a few more before the year is out.

Will I eventually end up with full sleeves? Full back? Who dare say? Give me 10 to 20 years to find out.

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