Post-drunk madness

I think it's safe to say that I haven't gotten this drunk in quite awhile. Puked - thrice, inevitably doing some collateral damage to the shirt I'm wearing, the unfortunate bike parked at the roadside, and probably certain parts of the cab that I'm on. I'm apologetic over my behaviour, yes I really am, but I couldn't have been able to show it last night to the people whom might be affected so take this as a make-up session alright.

2 names instantly popped to my mind when I think about who I should apologise to regarding last night. First up is Samuel. Sorry for ruining your night and giving you false hopes about all the ho liao and cai that's supposed to appear. None did, but instead we got the exact opposite in the form of Mr. BBY lol. Hahaha, I swear this won't happen again.

Next will of course be my dear Xin sis. She had this rather ill-advised agreement with me to meet after my Zouk for supper at her house that area and I'm pretty sure she regretted it the moment I asked Samuel to call her on my behalf. The last time we went Dbl O Fabian was the bloody wasted one and I was so freaking sober to take care of him. I think that must've contributed towards her thinking that I'm usually like that in clubs, which evidently I'm not. She kept saying that I was torturing her the whole night, but who's the one getting pinched all over on the arm and got his cigarettes confiscated huh. I asked her to help me keep my cigarettes, cause I was afraid I'd roll all over and flatten them in my drunken stupor, and to return me tomorrow when we meet. Instead, she took them out one by one and put inside her cigarette casing thinking that I wasn't looking. That's stealing!

Then again, I made her stay up till 4 plus which resulted in her being late this morning for her friend's birthday beach bash. I guess a little tax is more than justifiable. Sorry Xin sis, and thanks for not leaving me alone I would've puked my guts out and passed out on the roadside.

I spent the whole week looking forward to this weekend. I thought it would be smashing. That certain changes are bound to happen. That I would be, well, happy. Or happier than before. Now that it's here, none of it is going as thought and planned. Last night was less than enjoyable so I started off on the wrong foot already. Kg working today so I probably not meeting the homeboys. Will tomorrow be better then?

All that logical rational talk last week about me not being suitable to commit in a relationship currently, can you see throught the pointlessness and hypocrisy of it all? Like I had everything under control. Like I can play it cool no matter what. It's all major bullcrap. And what a difference a week made. I was still seething from the chemistry on Friday night, thinking over what went well, what not so well, what needs to be improved on (typical army after action review) and generally giving myself a pat on the back for a job well-done. Fast forward to now, I'm in a wreck and was told under no uncertain terms that 'NO', she doesn't fancy me, albeit ironically in a subtle manner. The sad thing is, I don't seem to be able to handle rejections well, very much in a way like my commitment issues. Which part of N O NO do I not understand?

Sometimes this kinda thing, the harder you push, the worse it gets huh. So I should just let it go and wait for it to get better by itself. In the meantime, I'll just sit around and be devoured by this, emptiness or whatever thats manifesting inside of me. There's really no point in rationalizing anything because it wouldn't matter. You will know what to do, how to feel, what to say, but at the end of the day you'll just behave in the exact opposite manner. As Chris Brown would say, a heart ain't a brain.

This weekend is getting too depressing.