Hong gan.

It's not that I don't wanna update this blog, it's just that my internet got cut for real this time cause I'm moving very soon on 9th Dec and the new place don't have the SCV cable connection. Word I received so far is that since I won't be at home most of the time (depending on my posting), it would be an unnecessary expense to subscribe to internet cause I'm the only one using it.

Yes I'm at a random internet cafe in Katong, yes I think I will frequent such places more and more often in the future to stay in touch. Can you imagine? No internet connection in this day and age.

Another pretty unbelievable event is that I'm gonna POC soon! Either on the 5th or 9th Dec. 7 weeks of BMT passes so fast, although I must seriously say I enjoyed my time in Tekong much much more than I expected. Maybe because my BMT is modified and not xiong at all, and maybe it's because of the wonderfully diversed groups of people I met in camp. Whatever it is, I'm really thankful I checked into Tekong for this experience and spent this period of my life learning how to defend my country, albeit minimally so. The most xiong training IMO wasn't with any rifle or SOC or what cause most of us are excused upper limb, it was the games day training instead.

Tug of war, what can I say, you gotta try it to believe it. Every training we will be so shagged that all of us will end up lying on the floor screaming and panting. It's like everytime my sgt blows the whistle for us to start pulling, with every second we hold onto the rope, our soul slowly seeps out our bodies through our screams and sweat. When we hear the word "recover", we will just break down and lie on the floor feeling we can fly. This is real training, PES C-style haha.

Been clubbing like every bookout recently. Dbl O Zouk Dbl O Zouk, Thursday at Dbl O was super fucked up cause my mom had to come out to the busstop to drag me home. That was how bad it was. And apparently James took evil photos and videos of Eugene and I at the Macs and according to them, the whole Macs was laughing at us cause we were totally unconcious while they did stupid stunts to us. Using curry sauce to draw on my tattoo was one, leaving us alone at Macs while they went out to smoke to make people think they left us behind was another. Even I myself cringed when I watched the video last night... Gonna brush up on my 5-10 so that I won't lose 12 in a row and had to down the 12 shots straight up. And the worst thing was that I lost to a girl! Instead of getting the girl drunk I got like bloody wasted right there and then.

I don't think I can sustain this kind of lifestyle for long. Besides I gotta have the right company too. My this group of platoon mates is sibei zai thats why we can go chiong so much. After we POC all of us will probably be posted to different units then won't stay in contact so often.. Good times never last. Neither does money. My $400 laughable NS allowance is screaming for me to stop.

Sometimes I look at myself and my life and I really wanna shake my head and sigh. I remember 2 or 3 years back I was in some internet cafe cause my internet connection got cut, my family is in a mess, my finances are tight, I don't know where and when I'm moving house to and I felt pretty lonely then. Like a piece of driftwood just floating in the vast ocean with no sense of direction or destination. Nothing to anchor on to and no shore to look forward to reaching. (*cue Akon's Lonely) Fast forward to now and I've came full circle back where I began. Everything reverted back to square one. Here I am again, lonely and lost, not knowing what else there is left to fight for. Why is there no progress in my life? Does this signify that this is all I'm good enough for?

Huixian told me yesterday that my ego is big sometimes and I've got a short temper. I've never thought of myself this way. Maybe the people around me see it better than I do. Are you silently nodding now too? What I do know is that I have many flaws and I always have this low self-esteem problem more than people know it. Recent fold of events seem to reaffirm my views.

Meeting KG, VC and the Hoe later and probably will get di siao until die again. But whatever, probably gonna check out here for the last time as a chao recruit before becoming a private. Chao recruit out.