POC loh

As the title suggests, POC LOH! Actually nothing to be proud of or to celebrate about cause we didn't have any shagged-out marches or fancy parades, all we had was a debriefing at the LT whereby we basically just sat down and complained about BMT to our OC.

Was it 7 weeks wasted? Hehheh not for me because I somehow managed to snag back a souveniour from Tekong to commemorate my time spent there. Although I know in reality it is quite pointless and for Pes C the pride-status zitao decrease by alot, the platoon best plaque still gave me quite a lot of shiok feeling. At least it never states that it's for Pes C!

But because of this plaque, it's like I'm carrying a bull's eye target on my back with the sai gang arrows all flying towards me. Take for example last Sunday. Block leave already I should have left Tekong for good and yet I still got called back for guard duty. Why? "Joseph...you are the platoon best, if even you don't help me I got no one else to turn to already. Joseph.. Can lah." - Sgt Ridwan. Knn. Now I know some phone calls you should never pick up.

On another note, just about finish unpacking my room yesterday. Gotta admit this house is really much nicer and bigger than the Serangoon one and I feel much more at home here. But the location is really terrible. In the middle of nowhere and gotta take bus out and change don't know how many times to get to where I want. Super long travelling time. The environment is very good though, got exercise corner, playground, hawker, pubs, restaurants, basically you name it they have it. Only pity is can't find someone to share these facilities with me. Awwww sounds so lonely. Seriously, I wish I knew someone who stayed around here. It would be really damn shiok to meet up for a drink at the pub in the middle of the night or for supper or something. The environment is that conducive.

My thoughts are all jumbled up so please pardon the lack of sequence in narration. Back to the day I was doing guard duty, which was this Monday. I think it's safe to say it's the lowest point in my life, even lower than during field camp. I had a super high fever (which led to me going to SGH, which further led to me coughing out phlegm with blood now) that day but cannot report sick cause can't find replacement. It was really raining damn heavily and the weather is freaking cold. Jackie and I did sentry at the ferry terminal so we basically just stood there for our 2 hours shifts staring into the sea cause nobody book in the morning. Just imagine the scene, cold wind blowing, heavy downpour, 2 men standing by the pillar staring at the sea. Damn low right.

No doubt the surrounding factors affected my mood that day. A long 2 hours for me to reflect on what's going on, or rather what's going wrong in my life recently. x4 shifts. How not to emo to the max? Guess who I saw during the 8-10pm shift, a string of familiar faces booking in. First is Shengloo (dunno how to spell), then Sam came to pass me my panadols, then this guy Alvin from DAC who claims to know me and talked to me but I have totally no recollection of, and lastly the Cougar Warrior Mr. Cheong. Coincidence huh. That's why I said that day of guard duty is definitely the lowest point of my life.

But as the saying goes, what goes down must come up, or the other way round. Once you reach the lowest point, the only way is up and yes, I guess I've recovered somehow. I think I finally sorted myself out and have gotten used to really being alone and liking it. Remember how I moaned about feeling lonely in my previous post? I think I kept drilling into myself to embrace this feeling such that I no longer feel lonely but rather at peace with myself. To people who're around me, if you're here, thanks and really appreciate it. If you can't be around, well I guess I don't have to go kill myself either.

Is this the best for me? Can't say for sure but highly probable. I realise I always keep everything from my past relationships in shoeboxes and I never throw away anything, not even a card or letter despite moving house so frequently. Yes, I've put everything into a new shoebox now. I'm gonna take out the zoo photo and our name keychain and put them into the shoebox tonight. A little slow I know it's been a few months already! Hope I remember though lol. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong anymore, and honestly, I really felt like a sucker all this while and believe me when I say I came off much worse from the breakup. Yes I'm stupid, yes I'm a fool for not realising so many things so much earlier. It's all going into the shoebox anyway.

To quote from Dido, I deserve nothing more than I get, cause nothing I have is truly mine.

P.S. Pray I don't get posted to rifleman!