Sunday, 30 June 2013

'Disaster Capitalism'

The Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein - I've been so pre-occupied by this book lately that I almost seemed to neglect all my other vices, PSP and such. Everywhere I've been, if I've got as much as 10 mins of free time on my hands, so will this book be. Despite me being so captivated, it's still pretty much a love-hate relationship because I can't really comprehend sometimes what the book is saying.

This really kinda frustrates me because I guess I've never encountered something like this in my life, yet. In school, I usually can understand all the subjects that I want to.Those that I can't (read: Chemistry, Physics, IT-related), I'll tell myself not to bother even trying to understand it. Just try to pass it. With this book it's a totally different ball game. I want to understand every single detail it's saying, but I just ... can't. I just don't get it somehow, sometimes.

In case you're still wondering what this book is all about, it's a non-fictional, should I say investigative-journalism-esque thesis on capitalism in modern history. Disaster capitalism, to be exact. It details how economies around the world have succumbed to free market ideologies envisioned and perpetrated by a certain group of very smart, powerful and eager men. From Chile to Bolivia to China, how the radical transformation from state-regulated economies to capitalism utopia is often imposed through what is called the 'Shock Doctrine', whereby a crisis is used to create the vacuum necessary for the acceptance to take place. Very often, a trail of blood and massacre is left in its wake.

What I really wanna know is, was what had been done necessary? With and without the benefit of hindsight, were the policy-makers really feeding the economies bitter medicine or merely their insatiable greed for more power and money? But in order to understand how it all worked, I guess I needed to know what it was in the first place. Sure, the book took great pains to explain complex economic policies in layman's terms, but even so somehow I find difficulty in linking such information together to make sense of it all.

However, I'm quite convinced that this is just one side of the story. I'm gonna get my hands on a pro-capitalism book after I'm done with this to get a full idea of what's really going on. But going by what this book is saying, we've already been hearing that other side of the story all along.

I've been doing alot of newspaper cutting these 3 days to update our 'revered' SIA Library. It's no doubt a thankless task, but at least I got to read more Business Times than I did in my last, no, my entire life so far. And it all sort of links up, looking at all the financial and economic news in the past year and trying to find a connection to this book. Makes me all the more interested in finding out what had happened in order to make sense of the present and hopefully the future.

Just a little preview of what Shock Doctrine really means, this is a quote taken from the book, from John Williamson, a 'powerful economist known for shaping the missions of both the bank (World Bank) and the fund (IMF)' at that time:

"One will have to ask if it could conceivably make sense to think of delibrately provoking a crisis so as to remove the political logjam to reform. For example, it has sometimes been suggested in Brazil that it would be worthwhile stoking up a hyperinflation so as to scare everyone into accepting those changes ... Presumably no one with historical foresight would have advocated in the mid-1930s that Germany and Japan go to war in order to get the benefits of the supergrowth that followed their defeats. But could a lesser crisis have served the same function? Is it possible to conceive of a pseudo-crisis that could serve the same positive function without the cost of a real crisis?"

For better or worse, I'm only 267 pages into the book and still got just a little over half to go. Will share more of it later, if I can finally grasp anything.

Back to reading.

Saturday, 29 June 2013

Apple 64GB iPhone 4S White (Factory Unlocked)


Features
  • Factory Unlocked, Will Never Lock
  • 8 mega pixel camera with full 1080p video recording
  • Siri voice assistant
  • iCloud, App Store, Air Print, Retina display
  • UMTS/HSDPA/HSUPA (850, 900, 1900, 2100 MHz)
  • GSM/EDGE (850, 900, 1800, 1900 MHz)
  • 802.11b/g/n Wi-Fi (802.11n 2.4GHz only

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64GB iPhone 4S Factory Unlocked. Will never lock. SIM free version.Now you can use your voice to use your iPhone. Just talk to Siri as you would to a person: "Do I need an umbrella?" or "Any great burgers around here?" or "Where's the closest ATM?" Siri not only understands what you say, it knows what you mean.1 It figures out the right apps to use to find the right answer. Then, just like a personal assistant, it answers you. Siri makes phone calls, sends messages, schedules meetings, sets reminders, and more. How much more? Just ask, and Siri tells you that, too.Two cores in the A5 chip deliver up to two times more power and up to seven times faster graphics.2 And you'll feel the effects. Fast. iPhone 4S is quick and responsive, which makes all the difference when you're launching apps, browsing the web, gaming, and doing just about everything. And no matter what you're doing, you can keep on doing it. Because the A5 chip is so power-efficient, iPhone 4S has outstanding battery life.This just might be the best camera ever on a phone. And with all-new optics, it just might be the only camera you need. Because behind every shot, you've got 8-megapixel resolution and a custom lens with a larger f/2.4 aperture. Not to mention an improved backside illumination sensor, excellent auto white balance, advanced color accuracy, face detection, and reduced motion blur. It all means that no matter how many people, how much light, and how much action you capture, everything looks exactly as it should. And just wait until you see the photos.Shoot stunning 1080p HD video everywhere you go. With all-new optics, the light is always right, the color is always vivid, and everything will look even better than you remember. Video stabilization steadies shaky shots. And you can edit video right on iPhone and share your lush life as fast as you shoot.


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Friday, 28 June 2013

Day off.

Took a day off or sorts today, no tutorials, no studying, no else bullshit. Just ps2, watch dvds and slept. Not attending MA tutorial tomorrow cause had to take part in some Bizworld helper thing but I completed the tutorial last week nonetheless.

I'm wondering how I'll do for the hellish MA MST. Truth be told, it's one of the hardest, if not the hardest test, including exams, I've ever done in my whole 3 years of Poly. Discounting the other modules such as ITAB Excel which I flunked totally because I had no clue throughout the whole semester what to do, MA is something that I would think I understand because I attended the lectures and tutorials and always know what's going on. Yet I have totally no confidence for this MST. Definitely the first and the hardest in that aspect.

These are the dvds I mentioned earlier:


Saw 4 just came out and damn R21 can't watch again. I know these 2 are old and I've watched them in the cinemas but SAW IS THE SHIT. It's the most leet gore/horror movie series to me and the message it brings across is so powerful.

Those who don't treasure life don't deserve it.


Promised some photos from my phone earlier on, here they are:

LOL at my eye rings

LOL at my eye rings x2

"IT'S NOT A RACE. IT'S A STATE OF MIND"
That's what the shirt I'm wearing says but I don't really know what it means either.

My pretty little....devil!









Thursday, 27 June 2013

"friends forever"

Gosh this is becoming like a whiny and depressing blog with all the complaints and disillusionment in life, need something to change the mood. Previously mentioned that I'll be moving to Sembawang, turns out that the landlord changed his mind last minute and upped the price so no deal. The finalised location is....SERANGOON. What a joke, moved from Bedok to Serangoon, then to Potong Pasir, then to Boon Lay and finally back to Serangoon again.

And it's bloody near the previous place, like almost walking distance. I never wanna go near that house again cause it's HAUNTED. FOR REAL. Damn scary. This new place, although gotta walk a distance from the busstop at least it'll pass by a temple and there's a church nearby. Can see the crucifix high up in the night sky all the way home. Hopefully I won't be so hum tio by then.

Ok on a more serious note, I think that I'm quite a headstrong person in that if I think I make sense and other people don't, I will argue to the end. Even if I don't and give in for the moment, deep down I will never think I'm wrong cause I think I'm someone who can judge what's right or wrong fairly well. Deeply rational and a little too judgmental. This applies to everyone around me, my friends, girlfriend and family. BUT, there were instances whereby I wholly stood behind something/someone even though deep down I know it's probably wrong or it doesn't agree with my principles. I bent everything I knew for it because of the position I was in and I thought it was worth it. What did I get in return? Something that was easily thrown away without even a second look. Friends forever, and forever keeps changing.

That's why we call that growing up.

And I still manage to end up sounding grumpy whiny and depressed. Damn blog.

I like my new phone, ok obviously that's why I bought it, Samsung U600. Finally found a phone that I think looks cool. Gonna update with lotsa photos taken with my new 3.2 MP camera! (I know it's puny again but I'm not exactly an IT tech freak so anything above 2 MP is quite good enough for me to flaunt)

Tuesday, 25 June 2013

POC loh

As the title suggests, POC LOH! Actually nothing to be proud of or to celebrate about cause we didn't have any shagged-out marches or fancy parades, all we had was a debriefing at the LT whereby we basically just sat down and complained about BMT to our OC.

Was it 7 weeks wasted? Hehheh not for me because I somehow managed to snag back a souveniour from Tekong to commemorate my time spent there. Although I know in reality it is quite pointless and for Pes C the pride-status zitao decrease by alot, the platoon best plaque still gave me quite a lot of shiok feeling. At least it never states that it's for Pes C!

But because of this plaque, it's like I'm carrying a bull's eye target on my back with the sai gang arrows all flying towards me. Take for example last Sunday. Block leave already I should have left Tekong for good and yet I still got called back for guard duty. Why? "Joseph...you are the platoon best, if even you don't help me I got no one else to turn to already. Joseph.. Can lah." - Sgt Ridwan. Knn. Now I know some phone calls you should never pick up.

On another note, just about finish unpacking my room yesterday. Gotta admit this house is really much nicer and bigger than the Serangoon one and I feel much more at home here. But the location is really terrible. In the middle of nowhere and gotta take bus out and change don't know how many times to get to where I want. Super long travelling time. The environment is very good though, got exercise corner, playground, hawker, pubs, restaurants, basically you name it they have it. Only pity is can't find someone to share these facilities with me. Awwww sounds so lonely. Seriously, I wish I knew someone who stayed around here. It would be really damn shiok to meet up for a drink at the pub in the middle of the night or for supper or something. The environment is that conducive.

My thoughts are all jumbled up so please pardon the lack of sequence in narration. Back to the day I was doing guard duty, which was this Monday. I think it's safe to say it's the lowest point in my life, even lower than during field camp. I had a super high fever (which led to me going to SGH, which further led to me coughing out phlegm with blood now) that day but cannot report sick cause can't find replacement. It was really raining damn heavily and the weather is freaking cold. Jackie and I did sentry at the ferry terminal so we basically just stood there for our 2 hours shifts staring into the sea cause nobody book in the morning. Just imagine the scene, cold wind blowing, heavy downpour, 2 men standing by the pillar staring at the sea. Damn low right.

No doubt the surrounding factors affected my mood that day. A long 2 hours for me to reflect on what's going on, or rather what's going wrong in my life recently. x4 shifts. How not to emo to the max? Guess who I saw during the 8-10pm shift, a string of familiar faces booking in. First is Shengloo (dunno how to spell), then Sam came to pass me my panadols, then this guy Alvin from DAC who claims to know me and talked to me but I have totally no recollection of, and lastly the Cougar Warrior Mr. Cheong. Coincidence huh. That's why I said that day of guard duty is definitely the lowest point of my life.

But as the saying goes, what goes down must come up, or the other way round. Once you reach the lowest point, the only way is up and yes, I guess I've recovered somehow. I think I finally sorted myself out and have gotten used to really being alone and liking it. Remember how I moaned about feeling lonely in my previous post? I think I kept drilling into myself to embrace this feeling such that I no longer feel lonely but rather at peace with myself. To people who're around me, if you're here, thanks and really appreciate it. If you can't be around, well I guess I don't have to go kill myself either.

Is this the best for me? Can't say for sure but highly probable. I realise I always keep everything from my past relationships in shoeboxes and I never throw away anything, not even a card or letter despite moving house so frequently. Yes, I've put everything into a new shoebox now. I'm gonna take out the zoo photo and our name keychain and put them into the shoebox tonight. A little slow I know it's been a few months already! Hope I remember though lol. It doesn't matter who's right or wrong anymore, and honestly, I really felt like a sucker all this while and believe me when I say I came off much worse from the breakup. Yes I'm stupid, yes I'm a fool for not realising so many things so much earlier. It's all going into the shoebox anyway.

To quote from Dido, I deserve nothing more than I get, cause nothing I have is truly mine.

P.S. Pray I don't get posted to rifleman!

Blackberry Q10 Black 16GB Factory Unlocked, International Version - 4G / LTE 3, 7, 8, 20 (1800 / 2600 / 900 / 800 MHz)


Features
  • Display: 720 x 720 pixels, 3.1 inches (~328 ppi pixel density)
  • Internal Memory: 16 GB storage, 2 GB RAM
  • Camera: 8 MP, 3264 x 2448 pixels, autofocus, LED flash
  • 3G: HSPA 1, 2, 5/6, 8 (850 / 900 / 1900 / 2100 MHz)
  • 4G:LTE 3, 7, 8, 20 (1800 / 2600 / 900 / 800 MHz)

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This Brand New Blackberry Q10 Black, Factory Unlocked phone comes in Original box from Blackberry with all Original accessories in the box. This phone comes with 30 days warranty with our company, after that there is no warranty unless you purchase a third party company warranty. It is customers responsibility to find out if this phone will or will not work on 4G LTE service, we will not accept returns if 3G or 4G will not work for customer. Here are the bands for 3G and 4G:HSPA 1, 2, 5/6, 8 (850 / 900 / 1900 / 2100 MHz) LTE international bands 3, 7, 8, 20 (1800 / 2600 / 900 / 800 MHz)


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Monday, 24 June 2013

Sony Xperia Acro S LT26w White Factory Unlocked International Version by New Generation Products LLC.,


Features
  • 3G Network - HSDPA 850 / 900 / 1900 / 2100
  • Display - 720 x 1280 pixels, 4.3 inches (~342 ppi pixel density)
  • Internal Memory - 16 GB storage (11 GB user available), 1 GB RAM
  • Camera - 12 MP, 4000x3000 pixels, autofocus, LED flash
  • CPU - Dual-core 1.5 GHz Scorpion

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This Brand New Sony Xperia Acro S LT26w White comes in Original box with all Original accessories in the box. This Brand new phone comes Factory Unlocked and will work on any GSM SIM network in the world. This phone comes with 1 Year warranty with Sony.


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Sunday, 23 June 2013

iPhone 5, Black, 16GB, MD293LL/A FACTORY UNLOCKED


Features
  • All-new design
  • Powerful A6 chip
  • Brilliant 4-inch Retina display
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It doesn't seem possible, That an iPhone with so much - a larger display, faster chip, ultrafast wireless technology, an 8MP iSight camera - could be so thin and so light. It is. In fact, iPhone 5 is the thinnest and lightest iPhone ever.


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ANTICIPATION SUCKS.

I'm not having the best of nights. In fact, I haven't had the best of nights for quite sometime now. I feel like there's something beneath my skin waiting to break out, like an accident or disaster waiting to happen and I don't know how to prevent it and yet I'm not sure what it exactly is or might be. (Maybe I got a rough idea afterall but can't be too honest) I had this feeling before, in fact I've had this feeling a few times before in my life and each time it just proceeded on its own till it reaches a final conclusion of well, disastrous consequences. Hate this feeling of anticipation, like you know something's gonna happen but you're not sure what where or when.

Temptation vs resistance; sin vs redemption. Hope school resumes ASAP cause I figured that I'm not the type who needs a prolonged vacation to relax or rest. I'd rather keep my mind busy with unavoidable chores (read: school) cause it certainly prevents this "anticpation" from popping up in my head. In fact, looking back, school holidays are usually the most "happening" periods for me albeit in a bad way whereby I just screw myself and people around me up with a series of poor decisions.

I sure hope that nothing happens this holiday and I can keep my mind and eyes where they belong. At least nothing too dramatic. Or wrong. Or...

Samsung Galaxy Ace Duos S6802 - Factory Unlocked, Dual SIM, Android Smartphone - International Version, No Warranty (Black)


Features
  • 2G Network GSM 850 / 900 / 1800 / 1900 - SIM 1 & SIM 2 3G Network HSDPA 900 / 2100 MHz
  • DISPLAY Type TFT capacitive touchscreen, 16M colors Size 320 x 480 pixels, 3.5 inches (~165 ppi pixel density) Multitouch Yes - TouchWiz UX UI
  • Speed HSDPA, 7.2 Mbps WLAN Wi-Fi 802.11 b/g/n, Wi-Fi hotspot Bluetooth Yes, v3.0 with A2DP USB Yes, microUSB v2.0
  • CAMERA Primary 5 MP, 2592x1944 pixels, autofocus Features Geo-tagging, smile detection Video Yes, VGA@30fps Secondary No
  • OS Android OS, v2.3 (Gingerbread) CPU 832 MHz Sensors Accelerometer, proximity, compass

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Samsung Galaxy Ace Duos S6802 Android Unlocked Quad Band GPS WiFi Phone (Black) General 2G Network GSM 850 / 900 / 1800 / 1900 - SIM 1 & SIM 2 3G Network HSDPA 900 / 2100 MHz Announced 2012, May Status Available. Released 2012, June Body Dimensions 112.7 x 61.5 x 11.5 mm Weight 122 g - Touch-sensitive controls Display Type TFT capacitive touchscreen, 256K colors Size 320 x 480 pixels, 3.5 inches (~165 ppi pixel density) Multitouch Yes - TouchWiz UX UI Sound Alert types Vibration; MP3, WAV ringtones Loudspeaker Yes 3.5mm jack Yes Memory Card slot microSD, up to 32 GB Internal 3 GB storage, 512 MB Data GPRS Yes EDGE Yes Speed HSDPA, 7.2 Mbps WLAN Wi-Fi 802.11 b/g/n, Wi-Fi hotspot Bluetooth Yes, v3.0 with A2DP USB Yes, microUSB v2.0 Camera Primary 5 MP, 2592x1944 pixels, autofocus, check quality Features Geo-tagging, smile detection Video Yes, VGA@30fps Secondary No Features OS Android OS, v2.3 (Gingerbread) CPU 832 MHz Sensors Accelerometer, proximity, compass Messaging SMS(threaded view), MMS, Email Browser HTML Radio Stereo FM radio with RDS GPS Yes, with A-GPS support Java Yes, via Java MIDP emulator Colors White, Black - Dual SIM (dual stand-by) - MP4/H.264/H.263 player - MP3/WAV/eAAC+ player - Organizer - Document editor - Image editor - Google Search, Maps, Gmail, YouTube, Calendar, Google Talk, Picasa integration - Voice memo/dial - Predictive text input (Swype) Battery Standard battery, Li-Ion 1300 mAh Stand-by Up to 570 h (2G) / Up to 420 h (3G) Talk time Up to 18 h 30 min (2G) / Up to 7 h (3G) Misc SAR US 1.00 W/kg (head) 0.84 W/kg (body) SAR EU 0.65 W/kg (head) Tests Display Contrast ratio: 655 (nominal) / 1.148:1 (sunlight) Loudspeaker Voice 62dB / Noise 61dB / Ring 66dB Audio quality Noise -87.9dB / Crosstalk -84.0dB Camera Photo Battery life Endurance rating 42h


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Friday, 21 June 2013

REDANG REDANG REDANG!

YEAYEA I think we gonna confirm the redang trip by this week, tomorrow or something. It has always been a life-long dream of mine to see the clear waters and marine life and experience the paradise heaven lifestyle..haha. Hopefully it'll work out and I'll be tanning my ass (not that it needs anymore tanning) at one of the beaches in redang come 3 more weeks.

Anyway just a quick update cause I said I wanted to last night but now damn sleepy and tired liao. There's this hater that made dear and I fight again today, but it's not really fight more like I'm the one scolding her. Haha it seemed so stupid later on cause we both decided that this hater is not even someone we know so I'm gonna just fuck care her. And I didn't really mean to scold dear just that I just woke up abruptly from my nap and she triggered one of those so-called emo mines of mine. Shall not elaborate more on it cause if everyone knows what that emo-mine is they'll avoid stepping on it and I'll lose opportunities to scream at people. Haha fuck haters.

I wanted to update with photos cause I realised I haven't been posting photos the previous few posts, so like doesn't meet my objective of wanting to change to blogspot. Turns out that there's not many photos at all but here's 1 I took today of dear on the crowded MRT. Don't kill me!

Looks quite cute what..






Agent Smith

Just had my C Law paper today and 2 more papers to go on friday and next monday. 2 heavy calculation papers AFA and MA, means ALOT ALOT ALOT of practice going to be done over the next few days.

I suddenly had this urge to watch the Matrix series all over again but couldn't find the vcds at the rental shop... will continue to try finding in the meantime. Found this stuff that Agent Smith said in the first movie that made a lot of sense:

I’d like to share a revelation that I’ve had, during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you aren’t actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with its surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we... are the cure.

Doesn't this make a whole lotta sense.

Thursday, 20 June 2013

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Stay-out life.

After months of staying-in, I finally got to re-experience stay-out life once again although it's just a short 3 days. Supposed to go Zouk last night but our late night exploit on Tuesday -sneaking into the lounge to watch soccer, resulted in too many people reporting fatigue and falling out. End up cancel and I lan lan had to stay at home do C-map.

We went to Amoy Quee Camp to do external stocktake today and their canteen really own STC's x999999. They have this one whole menu on sandwiches and the most expensive one is like only $2.50 if I remember correctly and their sandwiches come in the form of like Mega Big Mac. 3 slices of bread with the patties and egg and cheese whatever of your choice giapped in the middle, toasted and complete with the goodness of chilli sauce and mayo. Their teh teh-O kopi everything also is gao gao and there's even tau sar piah, egg tart, chocolate tart and a whole host of tidbits selling at like 20% cheaper than STC. I thought the Khatib Camp canteen was good but this just blew me away. Obviously STC is really really low in this aspect.

I was toying with the idea of creating a hidden link in this page, something like an easter egg that'll lead to another blog or page rather that contains all my true personal rantings. Those that are wayy too personal for the blogosphere to read and know openly, those that should come as a suprise reward for those who manage to find the easter egg. One might question my intention of wanting to do so the same way I questioned myself, was I secretly hoping that what I wrote in my blog can somehow effect a change in my life? Was I waiting for someone to read this because I didn't dare/want to tell the person myself? Yes. The answer is yes. But the same dilemma exists no matter what platform I choose to deliver the message, whether in person or in my blog. That's why I thought of this easter egg idea which doesn't really solve it also which generally led me back to square one.

The problem lies with the message, not the medium. But somehow I'm dying inside for the message to get out although I won't want to bear the consequences. I just can't. Not that I think it'll make anything any better either. Just feeling damn gao wei this morning and I feel like a woman on menopause because my cycle gets disrupted. It used to go Stage 1=>2=>3 in a linear manner, now it's all jumbled up and goes back and forth, making me feel better and killing me at irregular intervals again and again.

Like everything else, it's just gonna get worse before it'll get better.

Tuesday, 18 June 2013

Hong gan.

It's not that I don't wanna update this blog, it's just that my internet got cut for real this time cause I'm moving very soon on 9th Dec and the new place don't have the SCV cable connection. Word I received so far is that since I won't be at home most of the time (depending on my posting), it would be an unnecessary expense to subscribe to internet cause I'm the only one using it.

Yes I'm at a random internet cafe in Katong, yes I think I will frequent such places more and more often in the future to stay in touch. Can you imagine? No internet connection in this day and age.

Another pretty unbelievable event is that I'm gonna POC soon! Either on the 5th or 9th Dec. 7 weeks of BMT passes so fast, although I must seriously say I enjoyed my time in Tekong much much more than I expected. Maybe because my BMT is modified and not xiong at all, and maybe it's because of the wonderfully diversed groups of people I met in camp. Whatever it is, I'm really thankful I checked into Tekong for this experience and spent this period of my life learning how to defend my country, albeit minimally so. The most xiong training IMO wasn't with any rifle or SOC or what cause most of us are excused upper limb, it was the games day training instead.

Tug of war, what can I say, you gotta try it to believe it. Every training we will be so shagged that all of us will end up lying on the floor screaming and panting. It's like everytime my sgt blows the whistle for us to start pulling, with every second we hold onto the rope, our soul slowly seeps out our bodies through our screams and sweat. When we hear the word "recover", we will just break down and lie on the floor feeling we can fly. This is real training, PES C-style haha.

Been clubbing like every bookout recently. Dbl O Zouk Dbl O Zouk, Thursday at Dbl O was super fucked up cause my mom had to come out to the busstop to drag me home. That was how bad it was. And apparently James took evil photos and videos of Eugene and I at the Macs and according to them, the whole Macs was laughing at us cause we were totally unconcious while they did stupid stunts to us. Using curry sauce to draw on my tattoo was one, leaving us alone at Macs while they went out to smoke to make people think they left us behind was another. Even I myself cringed when I watched the video last night... Gonna brush up on my 5-10 so that I won't lose 12 in a row and had to down the 12 shots straight up. And the worst thing was that I lost to a girl! Instead of getting the girl drunk I got like bloody wasted right there and then.

I don't think I can sustain this kind of lifestyle for long. Besides I gotta have the right company too. My this group of platoon mates is sibei zai thats why we can go chiong so much. After we POC all of us will probably be posted to different units then won't stay in contact so often.. Good times never last. Neither does money. My $400 laughable NS allowance is screaming for me to stop.

Sometimes I look at myself and my life and I really wanna shake my head and sigh. I remember 2 or 3 years back I was in some internet cafe cause my internet connection got cut, my family is in a mess, my finances are tight, I don't know where and when I'm moving house to and I felt pretty lonely then. Like a piece of driftwood just floating in the vast ocean with no sense of direction or destination. Nothing to anchor on to and no shore to look forward to reaching. (*cue Akon's Lonely) Fast forward to now and I've came full circle back where I began. Everything reverted back to square one. Here I am again, lonely and lost, not knowing what else there is left to fight for. Why is there no progress in my life? Does this signify that this is all I'm good enough for?

Huixian told me yesterday that my ego is big sometimes and I've got a short temper. I've never thought of myself this way. Maybe the people around me see it better than I do. Are you silently nodding now too? What I do know is that I have many flaws and I always have this low self-esteem problem more than people know it. Recent fold of events seem to reaffirm my views.

Meeting KG, VC and the Hoe later and probably will get di siao until die again. But whatever, probably gonna check out here for the last time as a chao recruit before becoming a private. Chao recruit out.

Monday, 17 June 2013

Back in the game.

Like I promised, there're some groundbreaking news that I'll announce in this post as things are finally clearer now. After an almost 8-9 months hiatus, I'm finally attached again and back playing the very painful, very troublesome, very saddening but very inevitable love game again with my dear Xinxin. Maybe it's not really as bad as I made it out to be, but well what's worth the prize is always worth the fight right.

I know that for those people who had a general idea on what went on earlier, you'll probably not think highly of me at all. But trust me, there's more to it and if you give me the chance to explain I'm sure you'll see where I'm coming from. Then again, why do I have to explain to you if you're hating on me right.Haha. So there you have it.

Honestly, I don't really know how it actually worked out this fine for me. I've always had the impression that Xinxin is outta my league in more ways than one, but like what people say never try never know right. I'm just glad I did. But I'm totally dating out of my comfort zone this time. My friends always say I have a fixed pattern of dating and I'm always interested in the same sort of girls. They claim to be able to always identify certain similar physical or character traits existing in all my ex-girlfriends. I'm sure they won't be able to say the same this time. Xinxin is nothing like all the previous girls I've dated or was interested in this I'm pretty sure.

In fact come to think of it, if what they say is true, I don't know what attracted me to her in the first place now. But I just know she's got something going on about her. She makes me laugh - ALOT, she's independent, she's (quite) understanding, she's really really lame, and uhm, I just wanna be around her all the time. I think she's gonna kill me for not mentioning that I love her because she's pretty, she's a cai etc. so I better mention that too. Yes, she's a cai. Grade B cai though...lol.

Ok so to all my friends, I'm sure you'll have a chance to meet her. And feel dwarfed or intimidated by her 1.78m frame. It's ok, I myself am already. And once again, wish me more luck in the game this time. It was quite a train-wreck the previous time around which I took pretty long to recover from. Can't be banging head-first into walls and expect to survive every single time right.

Enough with all the good news, here comes the bad news. I'm booking in tonight. Bad, very bad.

Soon enough

I really can't find things to write about this week. No doubt it was jam-packed alright, drunk on Friday night, Sentosa on Saturday, hang with homies at night. Can't really remember what I did in camp during the week though, but that's only normal isn't it. I was so shagged yesterday that I just took the time off to stay at home to finish reading my book. Of course not before sleeping the whole day away at Steven's place. This routine's gonna be put on endless repeat for god knows how long but it's okay, at least it was fun while it lasted.

So I did it again, "ignoring her like a bitch and avoiding her like the plague". It's funny how one can't see something clearly when you're too caught up in the situation. Can you imagine? Same place same time one week on and the same thing happened. I behaved in the exact same manner that I promised I won't. But then again I didn't really ignore or avoid her. Ignoring her would mean not replying to her when she talks to me and we didn't even talk so it's not considered ignore. I can't be avoiding her too cause on more than one occasion I'm sitting right next to her or in front of her smoking or drinking. It's just called zero interaction. But whatever. I really didn't know I seemed so silly then and I'm sure it would've pissed her off. It would've pissed me off too if I'm gonna put myself in her shoes. I'm sorry, really. I swear the next time'll be different, that is if she still bothers to have a next time.

I think I put too much emphasis on winning and losing, or rather not coming through the whole thing looking like the loser. So what if I'd things my way? So what if I didn't? It doesn't have to matter if I don't let it. Seriously, and thankfully, I'm feeling much more laid back now and I guess that's the only thing I can do. Just watching everything pass me by without wanting to antagonize others or myself more.

It doesn't have to matter, really.

Saturday, 15 June 2013

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Friday, 14 June 2013

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Post #100

Cue cheers, applause and wolf-whistles. This is post #100 of my blog since moving to blogspot and if you had noticed, the posting's really beginning to slow down recently. If you wanna talk about major events, there's definitely no short of them happening from the last time I really blogged till today. It's just that I've simply been too busy to take the time and effort to blog them down. Now that I think about it, I haven't really been at home this 2 months. Hmmm. Let's see.

Major event no. 1: Ex. Agni Warrior

Wah this is a really a main event. Departure for India confirmed on 21st Sept. Not really sure when I'll be back at, maybe 28th Oct, maybe 30th, maybe 6th Nov. Been busy like hell preparing the stores this 2 weeks, not to mention countless unstoppable sai gang flowing from all directions to me in camp. Stay tuned for more complaints in this space.

Major event no. 2: ACCA / Stan Chart Marathon

Can't remember if I mentioned I registered for this 2. Yep I'm studying ACCA now. Intially my plan is to sit for 3 papers for this Dec's exam window. Then when I began studying I thought I could better manage with 2 papers. And now it's down to 1. Go figure. ACCA sucks balls.

And then there's the 42.195km Stan Chart Marathon in Dec. I don't really know what I was thinking when I registered for it. In the end I only ran 10km for AHM and took around 50+ mins. My leg pain for 3 days. I figure I'll need at least 5-6 hours for the stan chart and I'll probably be limping for 1 month afterwards.

I have no idea why or how I convinced myself that I can do all these things I probably can't.

Major event no. 3: New tattoo / my 21st birthday

Yep, done inked my left arm by Joseph. Added a gargoyle on top of Ms. Flamehead with its wings spreading to my chest and back. Did I ever mention that tattoo really really hurts? If I did, I'll say it again. It really really really hurts. Call me a wuss. Whatever.

It's gonna be my 21st birthday celebration this coming Saturday. Check out my facebook for more details. I don't really know how it's all gonna pan out. I don't have any themes, games or whatnot in store. Just food. Booze. And more booze. Things'll just come right in the end right?

Major event no. 4: STOP BEING FATJO.

You can hardly call this a major event, but I guess it's really important that someone stop calling me fatjo! I turned into G.I. Joe for awhile when the movie came out but now I'm back to being fatjo. And all her friends call me fatjo. Xinxin, I'm not fat. STOP calling me fatjo. Ok?

Ok maybe I'm a little fat. Ok screw it. I'm fat. You retarded pigxin.

Can I please blog again sometime after my birthday celebration? I really wanna watch my show before I book in. Please. I promise I'll blog with photos. Awesome photos of a non-fatjo.

Xinxin stop calling to disturb me!

'Cheat' Day

Today was a cheat day. Didn't carry out my cutting routine as planned cause after resting for a week I felt that my shoulder could handle weightlifting again. Damn, I just don't know when to quit. But it was a good day for lifting, esp squats and deadlifts. Ok, I'll take extra care when benching but hey, it's damn hard to do something religiously for a few months and then be forced to stop.

Anyway, had my typical bout of flu which typically for me transcends into a full-blown phlegm-filled cough and scratchy throat. Saw the doctor after gym today to get medicine in case it gets worse during the exam period. It's the usual drowsy medicine and I'm so damn drowsy now that I've taken it.

I'm gonna start on CSP today, it's weird but I really don't wanna spend anymore time on MA and AFA until the day before the paper itself. I've read through all the theory and memorised most of it, did all the past year papers and fuck I just cannot stand the self-doubts surfacing each time I think about it. So yea, that's it. CSP from now on, which I've totally not touched at all.

Caught a glimpse of the time machine channel 5 was airing last night or the night before can't really remember. It was sort of the climax and the villian was saying that the protagonist is haunted by the 2 most terrible words - What if. True, this 2 words are really very terrible. They can make your mind wander off into the realm of fantasies that will never come true, and leave you blinded to the blessings that is already within your reach. What if things had never turn out this way? What if I had done that? What if what if what if. Thankfully, I'm not haunted as the protagonist is. I think of the future and not the past.

Wednesday, 12 June 2013

New job.

After close to 5 months at GNS, it's time for me to move over and say goodbye. Told Meifei I'll be leaving at end of this month and hmm, what should I say? It's been a good experience all in all and I've learnt alot in this period of time and got to know some very kind colleagues. I definitely wouldn't mind coming back to work in the future during my Uni vacations, if they'll still take me in that is.

Having said that, I look forward to learning much more in my new job. Went for the interview on Wednesday and geez, I gotta admit that I'm not as zai as I thought I would be. It's my first formal job interview actually, I didn't need to go through an interview at GNS cause Brenda recommended me in. Whatever, what matters is I got through and I'll be wearing a tie to work everyday from July onwards.

I'm thinking, or rather I'm hoping, that my job scope will be more macro and more strategic so I can get another perspective on what I'm doing. Doing stat audits at GNS is like, super micro and vouching and figures and stuff and after a few months it gets rather repetitive. From what I hear from the manager, I'll be more involved in the strategic planning and formulation as compared to just filling up standard audit working papers. For sure there's gonna be lotsa paperwork involved too, and the most 'thrilling' part is that we gotta draft our own working papers cause there's no standard format to follow. It makes sense, cause it wouldn't be internal audit if it's not customised and tailor-made to the company itself. Still I don't think audit would be audit if there's no vouching so I'm probably down for that too.

Bottomline is, it's a new environment, new and exciting job scope, better pay, better office, hopefully shorter working hours (don't know about this yet going down on Tuesday to sort out the details).

Hit back when I got more info about this. Wish me luck people, more importantly wish me good colleagues and superiors.

Outflow

To my horror/disgust/shock/fear, I realised that I have to do consolidation for that construction company. Pwned. Thank goodness the subsis are wholly-owned so I don't have to worry about minority interest. Gonna start on that after I cleared the review points on company level audit.

The 1st case I mentioned earlier? 4 full pages of queries to clear. ZOMFG.

Had my first major purchases day since my payday. Bought a pair of new swimming goggles, 4gb memory stick for my psp and creative earphones. All in 1 day! I seriously rather make small purchases from time to time than concentrate everything in a shopping trip. The pinch feels so much harder...or am I just a giam siap gong like what dear says.Thing is I'm never giam siap with my friends or with her, I'm like always giam siap to myself. That's just my subjective opinion though.

They had this "happy hour" at gym again on Thursday whereby you get to do the in-body assessment for free. Being the cheapo me, I never seem to skip doing an assessment whenever I run into the happy hour. The main objective of them giving away this free in-body assessment is to psycho you into joining their personal training programme which in my opinion, is highly ineffective and extremely costly ($75 per hour!). The trainers there also do not have impressive physiques to convince me to pay that much for their service. One even ever told me that compound exercises are for cutting and I should do isolation for bulking!

Enough about that, the latest results pretty much allayed some of the fears and doubts I was having albeit the reliability of the assessment can be questioned. Bio-electric impedance is not the most accurate way to measure bodyfat around afterall. Anyway, my current weight is a whopping 73.6kg, comprising of 64.5kg of lean muscle mass and 9.1kg of fats. In comparison, the last assessment done a few months back put me at 70.7kg with 62kg of the former and 8.7kg of the latter. Well, there're 2 ways of interpreting this information. I gained weight, but it was more of muscle than fats. That's good. However, my bodyfat % increased from 12.2% to 12.4%, meaning that more of my body composition is fat and that is bad. It's really weird and contradicting. They gave an overall fitness score and I improved from 80 to 85/100.

Like what they always say, statistics, statistics and damn lies. The mirror has always been hailed as the best form of measurement. If you look good, you look good. Similarly, if you can lift heavy, you're strong. Thing is, I neither look good nor can I lift tonnes at the moment.

BTW, as unconvincing as it may sound, I'm not obsessed!

Monday, 10 June 2013

"WELCOME TO MY LIFE"

I'm having another of those lazy and depressing Sunday nights whereby I've got absolutely nothing relevant or important to do whatsoever. Feeling so darn bored and yet I don't want this night to end cause it's the start of a new and terribly busy week again tomorrow.

I have always had some serious beef with those who play their mp3s on loudspeaker mode in buses and MRTs. I'm sure everyone has seen ahbengs or mats do that so it's not that uncommon. What's rare today is that I was on the upper deck of 222 when I see a primary school-ish boy playing Welcome To My Life on loudspeaker with his mom and brother sitting right in front of him. Granted he's a kid and he's probably stupid enough to not understand how to be considerate in public places. What disgusts me is that his mom doesn't even stop him or tell him not to play his stupid music so loudly and irritate the other commuters. Ugh.

And then there's my beef with Welcome To My Life. I'm glad (according to the reviews in the papers cause I don't listen to them now) that Simple Plan finally changed their music style and stopped whining about pubertal woes when they're already way past it. I still won't listen to them cause I think they're way over it, but artists worldwide should really stop producing these tweens-angst-ridden tracks designed to make kids going through puberty feel like they're alone or beaten down. Like how "they can't be perfect" and "they're sorry" about it, how they "welcome" everyone to their "life" that's filled with betrayal and hate and other negative feelings. The messages they're sending would only make pubertal and confused kids become more rebellious, neglecting what's really important (education and family) and straying to do what an idiot emo kid would do. Just like what that stupid primary school-ish kid would do, playing mp3 on loudspeaker mode in a bus.

Gosh, I'm really such an old man now. I used to like Welcome To My Life when I was like... 15.

Saturday, 8 June 2013

"It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free."

Perhaps I should change the title of this blog, from the "Somewhere Only We Know" as you see above to "Post-Hazeline Rants". That's right, here I am, sitting in my small unlit room waiting for my hazeline to dry once again before going to bed. This seems to be the only time that I will pick my lazy ass up and update this little space.

It's been a busy few days, a far cry from the dazing and daydreaming afternoons when I first joined. Apparently William, my assistant manager, feels that it will be more efficient to split the SOX audit between the both of us in order to meet the end of July reviewing deadline. That means I will be handling the FAD processes for domestic operations all by myself, and that includes drafting the working papers, picking and testing samples and recording the results and whatnot.

Of course I've got an issue with this, like, wtf am I supposed to do and htf am I supposed to start? Wiliam's answer is that it will not be efficient for him to review as I proceed, so instead I will just go ahead and do whatever I think is right and sufficient and submit everything for the preliminary review by our director. If there's anything inadequate I can just add on after that. That also indirectly means that I probably will have to face a whole list of review points in August, which is exactly what I have been facing in GNS for the 5 months I was there. So there you have it, internal audit, external audit, SOX audit, it's all different but it's all the same.

My friends are all in Pulau Tekong now for their BMT while I'm still sitting in this office in Harbourfront staring at the Merlion. Sometimes I can't help but notice that I'm nearer to Sentosa than Pulau Tekong, in more ways than one. Should I feel happy or sad about it? There's this dark feeling somewhere that I'm just passing through the motions, looking towards a point in time that I could neither grasp nor fully comprehend. But then again, I think it's too ridiculous for one to put Pulau Tekong over Sentosa anyhow isn't it?

Downloaded and re-watched this 2005 movie - V for Vendetta, after reading about it at some forum. Damn, what a ride it turned out to be. I think I will re-rewatch it again tomorrow. It's got some tight quotes and the political situation in the movie seems to mirror that of a certain country which I'm sure all that have watched would invariably agree (*nods, that's exactly what I think too). The title of this post came from the movie too, which is a continuation of my msn nick. I'll leave you with some of the most memorable quotes that really made an impression on me. Until then.

From possibly the most articulate and political "superhero" ever, V -

"Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and ideas are bulletproof."

"There is a face beneath this mask but it's not me. I'm no more that face than I am the muscles beneath it or the bones beneath them."

"Cruelty and injustice, intolerance and oppression. And where once you had the freedom to object, to think and speak as you saw fit, you now have censors and systems of surveillance coercing your conformity and soliciting your submission. How did this happen? Who's to blame? Well certainly there are those more responsible than others, and they will be held accountable, but again truth be told, if you're looking for the guilty, you need only look into a mirror. I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be? War, terror, disease. There were a myriad of problems which conspired to corrupt your reason and rob you of your common sense. Fear got the best of you, and in your panic you turned to the now high chancellor, Adam Sutler. He promised you order, he promised you peace, and all he demanded in return was your silent, obedient consent."

Evey -

"But who was he really? What was he like? We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget."

Valerie -

"It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. Valerie."