India Boy

Somehow, I'm already here in India for 3 weeks or so. The sad thing is I'm not even halfway through and seriously I feel like quitting now.

Although by and large I didn't exactly volunteered or chose to come here, there's a part of me that's clandestinely looking forward to this exercise. I mean, how often do you get a chance to come to India? Especially with food and lodging all paid for. I wanted to see the world and go wherever my feet would take me. Now I know what it means by be careful of what you wish for.

Whatever it is, I just want this exercise to cut ASAP and I can shout GOOD DAY and go back to SG. The main body arrived just now. Exercise will start on Monday and I guess time will pass by faster from now on. And that means my bruised and battered body will be even more shagged by the time this is shitass period is over.

Gosh I miss SG and all the people I left there.

I miss my little star :(

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ANTICIPATION SUCKS.

I'm not having the best of nights. In fact, I haven't had the best of nights for quite sometime now. I feel like there's something beneath my skin waiting to break out, like an accident or disaster waiting to happen and I don't know how to prevent it and yet I'm not sure what it exactly is or might be. (Maybe I got a rough idea afterall but can't be too honest) I had this feeling before, in fact I've had this feeling a few times before in my life and each time it just proceeded on its own till it reaches a final conclusion of well, disastrous consequences. Hate this feeling of anticipation, like you know something's gonna happen but you're not sure what where or when.

Temptation vs resistance; sin vs redemption. Hope school resumes ASAP cause I figured that I'm not the type who needs a prolonged vacation to relax or rest. I'd rather keep my mind busy with unavoidable chores (read: school) cause it certainly prevents this "anticpation" from popping up in my head. In fact, looking back, school holidays are usually the most "happening" periods for me albeit in a bad way whereby I just screw myself and people around me up with a series of poor decisions.

I sure hope that nothing happens this holiday and I can keep my mind and eyes where they belong. At least nothing too dramatic. Or wrong. Or...

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