Marshmallow

I guess I'm a little late for my twice-a-week blog updates. In fact I skipped the weekend update the previous week, was a little busy being in between places to have the time and energy to blog. Let's look back at what had transpired during that period of time fondly shall we.

Xin came to stayover on Friday night. Met her at AMK Hub to watch Terminator Salvation before heading over to my place. That movie kicked ass in my opinion although Xin said she didn't really enjoy it, a little too noisy for her liking. I think generally for guys any movies with lots of explosions, guns, machines and well, loud noises would make a good movie. Besides, is it possible for any male to dislike terminators? The beast of a man Arnold immortalized the goddamn show with his bulging muscles and corny "I'll be back" line to the extent that any shows that has anything to do with the word Terminator would be a success, regardless of what the critics think.

In a way you can say that the stayover failed. The objective was to get Xin to give me a well-deserved massage and facial after my guard duty on Thursday but she simply refused to give me anything other than a fair amount of physical abuse. Nothing to do with relieving my bodyaches or smoothening my 'moonrock' complexion. Another thing that failed is our smoke-free campaign. In all honesty, it probably didn't even stand a snowball's chance in hell. We both cheated on our 1st day into the week and by Friday night we were sneaking the ashtray into my room sharing a cigarette. I used to think it's darn easy to quit. Guess I have to think about that again.

Non-smokers be warned. What they say about the nicotine addiction stuff is true afterall. There's 2 parts to it I guess, the physical withdrawal symptoms and the mental effects it'll bring unto you. The physical part is easy to deal with, all you got to do is keep yourself busy or put yourself in a position whereby cigarettes are inaccessible and you'll pull through somehow. It's the mental effects that's the killer. You'll understand it when you feel it for yourself, but of course I won't wish that upon you.

Went down to Evolve on Saturday afternoon for a trial lesson on MMA. I really enjoyed the class man. The instructor taught me some basics punch-punch-takedown-armbar combo which got me panting after a few tries. And then how to counter if someone grabs me from behind. He didn't give me any chance at all when he was demo-ing for me to see and I got the shock of my life when I got slammed onto the mat for the first time in my life. All in all it's a darn shiok experience but sadly, the classes are too expensive for me to enrol in. Sad huh. I'll just wait for other chances to pop up. If you guys can fork out $250 a month, I highly suggest you head down to Evolve at Parklane and have the time of your life.

At night met uhm, her, and went to Night Safari for the first time in my life. Now I would highly reccommend you guys to take the tram next time you go there. No doubt it's more interesting to walk, but it's also a shitload more tiring. We're both sweating and panting by the time we're done seeing all the bats and hunting cats and whatnot (or am I the only one? hahaha). It was supposed to be a pretty nice and romantic night, but we were both too tired I guess. She was stoning alot and fell asleep on the bus ride home. I myself am stoning quite a little after enduring the frustration of not being able to see all animals who seemed hell bent on hiding in the bushes away from me.

Now here comes the most important part. I was walking her home when her sis came down to pick her up. All fine and normal, but I can almost guess with my ass that her sis doesn't like me very much. The funny thing is her sis smsed me last night and called me a marshmallow. A marshmallow? Hahaha that's the first time anyone called me that, or I heard anyone call anyone that for that matter. She did clarify matters with me this morning, saying that she doesn't think I'm a bad person. She just thinks I'm someone who looks tough but is actually a marshmallow. Is that supposed to be a good thing? Hell I'll just take it as a compliment anyway. I've been through the whole disapproving-elder-sister thing before and yea, it's always a losing battle so I'm more or less prepared to walk away.

Anyway, it appears that I might get some form of answer next week. Perhaps that'll shed some light on what direction I should be heading towards because everything's still a little muddled up. In the meantime, it's back to the drawing board for me on the promise of smoking that last pack/stick which just isn't working. It's impossible to quite smoking while you're in NS, not when you don't have to surrender your cigarettes. I'll bet my ass on that one.

Marshmallow out.

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Haven't been good.

As the title suggests, I haven't been feeling too good recently, at times even bordering on being stressed out. The bulk of my stress stems from my very dysfunctional family which unfortunately took a turn for the worse this supposedly festive CNY season. I'm sure people who know me know that I'm a very confrontation-averse person. I tend to do all that I can to avoid confrontations whereby everyone ends up with eggs on their faces, even if it means that I have to undertake some additional sai gang or have to put up with nonsense that I don't deserve.

This is exactly what put me in such a spot. I really don't understand why do people have to behave in such a manner. Exactly what do they get out of it? What does my grandma stand to gain by antagonizing my mom, by preventing me from contacting her? Yes, my mom is far from perfect, her character flaws and the bad decisions she makes sometimes make people really wonder just wtf she is thinking. But she is my mom afterall, no matter what she did, is doing or will do, nothing can change the fact that she gave birth to me. There is no way such a blood-tie can be removed.

On the other hand, my grandma is probably the most important person in my life. She's the one who brought me up and never left me on my own even when sometimes the whole world had seemingly left me for dead. Why do I even have to make this choice? I'm not even asking for everyone to get along all fine and dandy, I just want all the needless conflicts and confrontations to be avoided simply by not stepping on each other's toes. People always say you have to resolve the root of the problem, but what if the root is buried under years and years of history past? How can you dig it up and resolve it? I really hate to be torn in between such petty and needless conflicts, but it's really hard when there are so many parties involved and the fact that there's still a mofo behind the scenes stoking the flames. But that's another story for another day.

Sigh. I remembered having this conversation with one of my coursemates last week before the CNY holidays. He's 22 this year and is a NS regular, citing financial difficulties as the reason he signed on. He said he is totally not looking forward to CNY. Puzzling isn't it, how can someone not look forward to getting ang paos and an extended holiday? Then he told me all the ang paos his parents are gonna give are gonna come from his money, plus gotta buy alot of stuff and the price of everything is on the rise so he hope that CNY never comes. And then here I was complaining about my great shrink of ang pao collection.

Kinda put things in perspective doesn't it? He's only 1 year older than me and he has to give up 10 years of his life to bond to the nation just to get a stable job to support his family. While I'm always kpkb and getting stressed out by trying to support myself alone.

And then I have another coursemate who's father is the boss of a car rental shop. Every week he would book in driving different cars and damn, his white Subaru really owns. Suddenly I feel this urge to own a car, to have my own house and endless money to spend. Part of the reason my family is in a mess is also due to financial reasons. If we had tons and tons of money, would we have gotten along easier? There're so many things I want to accomplish, so many things I wanna own, so many places I wanna go and so many things I to see. I want the world at my feet and I know I will never be satisfied until I accomplish this, and yet I have this deep insecurity within me that I am not capable enough to achieve all the goals I set for myself. I have this deep-lying fear that my inadequacies will be exposed somehow and I'm just living a pipe-dream.

Am I really good enough? Everything that has happened to me and around me seems to suggest otherwise. I have too many failings, too many flaws and too many inadequacies that knocks me down time and time again. I have a big ego I know and I don't really want to admit that I'm at fault most of the time, because I honestly don't think I am. But I've been thinking lately, perhaps I'm really at fault. Perhaps my sense of self-righteousness is but a misguided and warped perception of reality. From my failed relationship to dysfunctional family ties, maybe the fault lies not with anyone else but me. How else do you explain why things can work out for others but not me, or are their problems just pushed under the carpet like everyone else.

Just exactly what do I deserve to get? Where do I go from here?

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Relac-jack.

Yet another relac-jack week passed me by. Nothing happened, which in a way is good too. No high points, no low points, no nothing.

Having said that, I think one of the most important things we can learn from serving NS is how to LLST. They should really include it as a core value or something. Loyalty to country, leadership, yada yada, LLST! People say act blur live longer, I think LLST will live longer too. I'm starting to lose patience with people who just can't learn how to LLST even though they have served much longer than me and are gonna ORD-ing this year. Hello, this is the SAF, if you're gonna sit down and complain about every single thing that is not up to your 'civilian' standard or liking, you might as well just migrate elsewhere and give up your citizenship.

My BMT mate once told me, "Cannot everything also suck thumb one." False. Everything also can suck thumb, because if you're gonna go against the grain you'll always end up at the losing end. That's definitely true for NS, and I think I've really honed my suck thumb skills there quite well now that I'm applying it to other parts of my life as well. Maybe that's why I'm not having any high or low points recently, because everything is just flat on the ground for me. Don't hope, don't complain, don't moan, I can't change anything even if I want to so just LLST. I don't know how true or correct this is for everyone, but at least for me it seems to be working out.

Sure, I might never be truly happy if I carry on with this mentality, but at least I know it's much more effortless to avoid being unhappy now. And I'm really, really lazy to try anything else. I've turned my back on my 'numb' tattoo for quite awhile now, it's time to lead my life the way that is made for people like me. It's all I want, and probably all I deserve as well.

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2x "Hell" Week

Gonna book in later and get ready for our so-called 2x "hell" week - 2 consecutive outfield over 2 weeks. I suppose the Tekong one's gonna be damn relax. I mean, sleeping in bunk, eating fresh ration from cookhouse and we're even moving a damn washing machine over. Where else do you hear about such an "outfield" right? Don't know about the LCK one though, was pre-warned that it's gonna be xiong as hell. Take it as it comes then.

The grouping for this outfield was quite godlike too. There's Zhuang Randall and Fabian on my team machiam the original Boozer Room crew put together. We were initially talking about hopefully all the smokers can be grouped together cause we're like more tight and we can OTOT have lots of smoke breaks. Not a bad result eh, 4 out of 6 are smokers. Plus Karthik and Hamizah are pretty decent people themselves. This exercise is so gonna turn out to be like an adventure camp more than an outfield operation. Only downside is Ma'am Agnes is the instructor attached to our team but I guess I angkat her until gao gao she shouldn't be too hard on us now will she.

Anyway got this blog to reccommend => http://blu-r-ry.diaryland.com Yes it's my previous blog and the entries are pretty owning lol. Never fails to put my current situation in perspective while having a laugh at the way I was a few years back. Damn. This is embarrassing but it's also good stuff so I just gotta share with my readers. I'm really way more cool than that now. Trust me. Lol.

Perhaps I've made peace with myself and accepted that there isn't gonna be any major shake-ups in the near future or anything. Then again, there isn't really much to complain about at the end of the day is it? NS is well, just NS. You can't run away from it no matter how. Something Staff Chong said to tekan us kinda registered with me for awhile. He said that we must remember the country does not owe us anything and that we are the ones who owe this country. Propaganda maybe, but ain't that the truth? Besides I'm given food and lodging so it's all good. I've always thought that the best food in the world is free food. Besides, I'm not really the type who enjoys staying at home anyway. The allowance, meagre as it may be, is enough to buy me my fair share of cigarettes and alcohol to pass the days. Get pissed drunk on Friday nights after bookout, hang out with my homies on Saturdays to watch a movie then watch soccer at night, accompany my grandma on Sundays then back to camp. Life's pretty good isn't it?

It's true afterall, the main cause for disappointment is desire. The moment you stop wanting something more, you'll realise what it is that you already have and that it's actually not too shabby.

Check in again after I'm back from Tekong then.

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New year, new house.

It's been a crazy past week with all the packing and moving and unpacking and moving somemore, tired like hell! After all that's said and done, I'm officially back to the estate where I spent the last few months of my Dunman High days taking 158 to school. There's alot more walking here though cause I don't wanna waste 67cents just to take 1 stop to the MRT station. Oh well, cardio cardio cardio.

The house is still in a mess and I've still got my books and a few boxes in my room that needs some unpacking. That can wait until I've got some electricity in my room cause apparently I'm the only one without light and electricity in the house, can't see shit even in the day.

Another major event that took place is..... the NS medical checkup. The most much-feared-check-cock part actually just took 5 seconds, and we were asked to stand at least 3 metres away from the doctor. Haha seems like he is as scared of us as much as we are scared of him. The vocation assessment is crazy. All the tough mathematical and physics question really killed me... It's not a stupid test as many would call it. It's a test that makes us feel stupid, so we make ourselves feel better by calling it a stupid test.

I still can't bear to watch when the needle was inserted into my vein for the blood test. I laid back and act relax but I was really damn scared lol. It was only after the needle is in then I force myself to look at it. Tried to maintain my view there but I just cannot stomach it. Yes, I didn't dare to look for more than 10 seconds during my tattoo sessions too. The pain sensation is a enjoyable in a way if you can let yourself go and experience it, but looking at it is just crazy.

Anyway, I'm PES D! Still pending lol. Update later with photos of the new crib.

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Shocking and ridiculous

It's perhaps an understatement to say that my mood hasn't been at its best this week. In fact, I haven't recovered one bit since Sunday and it's getting a little worse by the day. Talked to Fel on the phone last night but I didn't really got around to telling her anything on why I've been feeling so fucked up. Okay maybe a little bit, but that's definitely not the whole story. I don't know man, things are just not working out for me in every aspect on my life currently.

Talk about NS, IPPT is a bitch I tell you. Especially SBJ. Fuck SBJ totally. Ok maybe fuck me and my fagging fat legs. I failed my fucking IPPT on Tuesday and if I don't pass it by July I cannot promote to CPL. Worse still, if I don't pass it by October, I'm totally screwed cause no 3SG rank for me. Seriously, the environment I'm working in, I really need the rank in order to command people to do work. Besides, a few hundred dollars less a month till I ORD adds up to a few thousand so do the math, I really need the 9 extra fucking cm on my jump!

My BSM said it's a bad habit to keep long hair. Which I kinda think is true except that my hair is nowhere near the definition of "long hair" even in NS terms? And the man actually said my front is too long. Ok man I got no complaints, I failed my IPPT, I can't get into his good books, might as well give him whatever he wants from now on, as long as he doesn't give me whatever I don't want (high unlikely though).

Of course there are so many other things troubling me at the moment that it's probably very hard for me to find somewhere to begin. I wonder which is the real problem, my insecurities or my inadequacies, but I find both equally ridiculous and yet there's nothing within my power that I can do to eradicate them.

It's starting to feel irritating to be misunderstood sometimes, especially in camp. People look at my tattoos and me smoking and immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm a troublemaker who can't do shit and only know how to chao keng. Chao chee bye. It's pretty fun initially to prove these motherfuckers wrong, and those people whose opinions I don't give a shit about I wouldn't even be bothered to let them know how ignorant and wrongfully judgmental they are. The trouble is, I don't know if it's NS or just life, that sometimes I'm put in a position that I have to put in extra effort to convince people whom I don't give a shit to that I'm someone trustworthy and dependable to work with. Well fuck that seriously. I am me. My tattoos, my lifestyle habits, my choice of words, the way I talk, it all defines who I am. And if you can't be bothered to find out what I'm all about before jumping to conclusions about me, fuck you inside out cause I probably can't be bothered with what you think too.

What's wrong with this fucking world anyway?

Apparently I might just be the mistake. Oh well fuck me too then.

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Last week

The most relax/fun/slack course in the whole of SAF is finally gonna come to an end before the week after next is out. I guess I'm really fortunate to have came into this course, even more so that I'm in this frame with this batch of coursemates and this team of instructors. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way if I had a choice. Every single person in each of the 4 syndicates contributed to the liveliness, fun and I'd call success for the running for this course.

As true as ever, there'll always be a few fucked up characters around who'll do something to irritate the shit out of everyone. At the end of the day, I think I can say that we eventually ended up on the winning side because we blanket-ed those who deserved it and even managed to make someone cry right in front of the whole course. Lol! They say that my song "Congratulations..and celebrations..." was the killer blow, but what do I know. I was merely following everyone's lead, particularly Sgt Douglas who's an instructor himself btw. Fuck it, I had fun, everyone had fun, as mean as it may sound, I don't really care.

I thought BMT was tight cause I always go chiong clubbing with my platoon mates. However, this course kinda really owned BMT cause it's so much longer (4 months!) and we got more time to stay together in the same bunk and go through the same shit. This few weeks we're like trying hard to make up for lost time realising the course is about to end. Been pubbing almost every other Friday nights, squeezing in Sentosa trips here and there, singing KTV and even prawning. When the company is good, any activity will be fun. All the more so if it involves ogling at babes or getting wasted hahaha.

I do realise that this entry sounds a tad too emo. But it's true. None of us really want this course to end because all that awaits us is the boring repetitive unit life. Particularly so when VC had warned me before that in the coy line, CQ doesn't really have any friends. Our bunk in STC is somewhat already a home; Ma'am Agnes' constant nagging, Sgt Fazli's sacarsm (Joseph, let's stare at the camo net together and wait for it to erect by itself), Sgt Doug's laid-back friendliness, Master Ahad's literally toothless tekan-ing (I'm the motherfucker from hell! You want heaven? I give you hell!), we're gonna have to live without all of it in a matter of days. The list goes on and on, and I'd really wanna give a big thank-you to everyone in STC for giving me quite possibly the best and most memorable time in my NS life

Szeto asked me before what I wanted to achieve in this course, and then my 2 years of NS. I asked him back and he said all he wanted to do was to make more friends everywhere. I have never felt more of what you might say, a sense of reliance or dependence on my friends before. I have almost always thought of myself as someone who can be isolated, independent and maybe even a little aloof. And I'm proud of that. Recently, I'm just glad to have my friends around me with whom I can just hang out with. It's true afterall, humans are creatures who are dying to get out and socialize. The more the better.

Gotta thank Boonie for bringing me to OCC for a swim this morning too. Had an awesome time swimming after god knows how long, not to mention the killer toilet that's really just WOW. I'm really just glad of all these wonderful people around me helping me keep my days occupied so I don't feel like a pathetic grousy loser perpetually stuck at home. Then again my grandma will tell you that I'm never at home.

Alright gotta go for a haircut and get ready to book in already. More emo rantings next week. Out till then.

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I'm living with faggot dawgface fuckers.

I think I'm really someone who values logic, rationality and sensibility a lot and it really frustrates me when people around me can't make any sense. I was damn pissed for 5 seconds and totally went red but a thought flashed across my mind and I cooled cause I realised that it was something that I can never change. No point getting pissed about it.

My grandma told me just now that my uncle they all decided to move house to Sembawang and fuck I used to do volunteer there it's like totally inconvenient to everything I'm doing now. Moreover landed property usually very deep in wanna get to MRT station also troublesome. So I asked my uncle if it's true and said that it's very troublesome for us ask if he could find another place. This is his reply:

"Ya can. You tell me how much you wanna chip in for the rent here? That's the only place I can afford whereby the rent is only $2000+ everywhere else is $4000+. I've already decided and have placed a deposit."

Looking at his fucking fat gay face saying all this really made me damn pissed, like challenging me to move out or pay for the rent which he knows I can't. So ok I know there's nothing I can do so I just LL walked away.

Actually ok I understand where he's coming from. The property market really hot so rents are all rising and he has to keep all these dogs so he can't rent a HDB flat either. So standing in his gay shoes this is probably the best he can do. BUT wait, he's always saying that he's getting this big job that's paying $7-8k monthly and he's spending all these money on rubbish ornaments and his fucking gay partner and he's saying he can't pay anything anymore? He definitely ultimately HAS to keep all these dogs? It's like saying his mother (my grandma) and me can't even compare to his dogs. Ok maybe I can't afterall I'm just a nephew. What about my grandma? His own mother? Giving her $50 a month and she gotta buy his meals pay the phone bills and shit?

And all the while my mum just sit beside dun dare to speak a word. Why? Because they are on the same side. He has to provide for his gay partner, while my mum has to provide for the gigolo she's keeping. I don't even see my dad more than 3 times a month so he's not even a factor. My mum has never given my any money since primary school and even now that we are living together. Maybe last time we didn't stay together she can say she don't see me everyday no chance to give me. Apparently she thinks that her son is some godlike being who can survive without earthly objects such as money. It's ok cause I've gotten used to it and it's not like I can expect anything from them. All these are things that neither me nor my grandma can change again. I gotta admit I was disappointed at how my "family members" are behaving, but then I remember that they are not myfamily, just people lending my grandma and I a shelter so really nothing should and could be expected from them.

The thing that I'm really pissed about is that I still got a few more months of poly left and then still gotta serve NS before can start working. Recently school got this career talk people from ACCA and KPMG etc. came and got me thinking about the future. After today, the future seems so certain for me. No more university, no more wasting time. It's gonna be straight to work after NS. Why? Because I wanna get my grandma and I out of this shelter that they seemed to be giving us out of pity and not anything else, and I know I'm better than all these and definitely my grandma deserves more than what she's getting.

I can't blame them cause it's their lives and that's the way they have chosen to live it. But they gotta bear the consequences, and that is being a fucking gay my uncle will never have offspring. That way when he's old, no one's gonna take care of him. If he's gonna ask for money from me, I'm gonna spend all the spare money I have keeping pigs and dogs and cats and whatever but he's definitely not gonna get a cent from me. Same goes to my mum. She's like 48 now so I don't think she will have another child with the gigolo. So my mum, her gigolo, my uncle and his gay partner can all hug together and die with their dogs 10-20 years from now while I look on from a better place.

Ungrateful maybe, cause afterall they're providing grandma and me with a shelter to live in for the time being. But ungrateful is exactly how they've been to my grandma and that's exactly what they're gonna get from me. Maybe I'll go to hell for having this kind of thinking or doing what I'm gonna do in the future, but I don't mind cause I know I'll definitely see them there too.

Forgive and forget? No fucking way. Especially to my family. No fucking way.

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Desaruuuuu

In Hongwu's words, SONG BO SO HAI. LRI's over, ISO I not involved, straightaway qia 2.5days leave starting today.

Going Desaru with Xinxin tomorrow morning for 3D2N and I'm beginning to feel a little excited about it only now. Beach resort, lots of sunshine, relax and chill, definitely my type of holiday. Then again I wouldn't mind shopping, or sightseeing, or basically just anything that gets me away from what I've been doing repetitively everyday.

Work is shit. I hate my work, I hate the people around me, I hate their attitude towards everything. Why does everyone have to be so fucking negative and lazy and immature when it comes to NS? Does NS really retards a person so much? I'm very sure none of these chums behave or think the same as they do now before they enlisted and probably after they ORD. If NS doesn't make someone retarded, one thing it definitely does is to make what's right become wrong and wrong become right. Perhaps there's never a right or wrong in this case, just a case of majority and minority. Being different vs same as everyone else. And what do we all know? Those that are different, the minority, the "wrong" ones are always the ones being lynched, crucified, fucked, whatever. This is like Hotel California, I can check out anytime I like but I can never leave.

Seems that my programme for this weekend is gao gao also. Ferry back from Desaru departs at 3pm probably evening when I reach SG. Then gtg Bras Basah buy my books and meeting the original jiu gui gang for a home party at my place. Following day Sunday gotta book in by 0730 takeover COS duty. I'm taking the lao jiao's advice on this one, party until sibei steam on Sat night then book in on Sunday just to sleep the whole day. Hope everything works out fine.

Xinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxinxin you're so stupid do you know.

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CNY

It's the CNY period once again and it's quite depressing to be reminded of how much my red packet collection has shrunk over the years. I remembered I used to really have quite alot when I was a kid but now...damn. Even my meagre NS allowance owns my red packets for real. Is it an effect of a shrinking family tree? Breaking down of family ties? Then again, the words 'family ties' don't really fit in well with me and my life huh.

I was watching History Channel one night and they showed this 2-hour documentary called Ancient Ink. Totally kicked ass I tell you, the host went on a round-the-world journey searching for everything related to tattoos and the various tattooing techinques. The one that got me squealing was this old japanese guy who literally just used a wooden stick and a hammer to knock it into the skin to tattoo. It's OWWWWW so painful I can almost feel it when the host tried but I got to say it's definitely worth it cause the colouring effect came out like totally perfect, nothing I've ever seen before. The colours were so damn bright and balanced and when he said the modern machine can't do anything like this I'm ready to believe it. Am I ready to try it? NO FUCKING WAY haha. Besides colour wouldn't look good on my skin either so screw that.

Finally went back to touch up on my flamehead 3 days ago. Joseph - the artist, was working on a chest piece on another customer when I just arrived and guess what, the customer fainted on him. First time I've seen someone faint honestly. He just flat out fell forward and blacked out when Joseph was outlining near the collarbone area. Dragged on a while and then was my turn to get poked and I'm so damn glad it was over in 10 minutes. Seriously, whoever tells you that tattooing is not painful really ought to go through a lie detector or some shit. Stop lying, stop acting tough, it hurts like fuck so just admit it.

I guess I'm really a very cyclical person, even the tattooing process goes in a cycle for me. For the first hour I'll stay very calm and enjoy the poking pain, by the 2nd hour I'll be cursing and swearing inside my head and wondering how and why the fuck would I wanna put up with this kind of pain. By the 3rd hour I'll usually come a decision that I'll never get tattooed again. Then when I go home and look into the mirror, I'll start thinking of where and what to tattoo next and it'll start all over again. I've already got ideas in my head now, probably will add a few more before the year is out.

Will I eventually end up with full sleeves? Full back? Who dare say? Give me 10 to 20 years to find out.

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