Booking in loh

4 more hours to book in.

I think the "2-week adjustment period" is rather effective cause most, if not all, of us were really pretty much adjusted to BMT. We don't even countdown the days to book out by the 4th day and I'm thinking if we never got to book out it wouldn't be such a big deal. Except maybe for the smokers who are really dying towards the end of 2 weeks cause they ran out of cigarettes haha.. all keep show the shagged dying face.

This bookout was pretty low actually. Man Utd lost to Arsenal 2-1, and somehow I keep getting this lost feeling. Like bookout also zo bo. Like there's nothing much waiting for me in mainland. At least I got to keep my grandma company, but that's just that. Hiding in Tekong doesn't seem to be such a bad thing afterall.

2 more cds added today, Secondhand Serenade's A Twist In My Story and Keane's Perfect Symmetry. I know for sure the SS cd will be nice but Keane is quite a bet. I abso-fucking-lutely loved their 1st album but their 2nd album is like taking a nosedive after reaching the peak. Previewed the first 2 songs at the store and was quite ok..hope it really is. $400 a month... how many cds can I buy man.

All this emo music is gonna keep me company during my lonely nights in camp. Off to prep for hiding in Tekong now. Recruit H G See out.

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Foot rot.

Why does my feet always smell so bloody darn bad after guard duty? I don't know how they're gonna rot when I go for field exercise next month. Just 24hours without taking off my boots there're already these whiteish fungus-like thing on my soles and the smell is like salted fish x 1000000000. Seriously hong gan man.

Met up with KG and VC on friday night before VC heads off to Brunei for 2 weeks. He was saying about his quail-killing experience and man, I really don't know if I'm able to do that. I think there're really only 2 types of people around in these world, those who can pull off a quail's neck and those that can't. I can't imagine myself doing that. Give me a weapon and MAYBE, just maybe I can kill it but pull off its head bare-handed? Respect to my man VC.

Then we did something that was part of The Life routine, which is buying some $4.60 worth of candy from Candy Empire and sitting down in a square in Millenia Walk to eat. 3 grown man, NSFs, sharing a packet of candy and talking. This is THE LIFE.

3 of my bunkmates were from Cougar Coy back in BMT and they were always talking about how tough and fucked up their BMT was. Of course, Cougar is famous for being the "Ninja Coy" of School 1 and judging by the way Ninja trains, it's really really damn fucking xiong. I should know, Orion is just opposite of Ninja and they'll sleep later and wake up earlier than us everyday.

Back to these Cougar boys, everytime I hear them talk about their xiong BMT, I will suddenly be overcame with a sense of inferiority. To be honest, my 6-week+ modified BMT is really relac-jac and cannot be compared to any other Coys I think. I believe that men are moulded by their experiences and the more shit they are made to go through, the tougher they will be when they came out of it. A little like the corny overused saying - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So these Cougar boys went through their hellish BMT, I'm sure they had benefitted from it and became better men, if not better soldiers at least. What does that make me then? Inferior to these men from Cougar? Inferior soldier?

I guess I just have too much pride and ego in me, that's why I'll have these feelings. I hate to be inferior to others but I feel so all the time. Or maybe I felt it much stronger in this case simply because they are from Cougar Coy. People always say the true colours will show during outfield, and I wanna test myself to see if deep down I really am an inferior soldier compared to them.

I know I sound like I got a screw loose right, why wanna act so garang? Perhaps I haven't really kannah 1x jialat jialat experience before, that's why here I am talking shit. Maybe I'll change to be a chao keng king after that, who knows. (If you don't already consider me chao keng!) Kinda looking a little teeny weeny forward to the outfield, not so much to my foot-rot though.

Anyway just to clarify, make no mistake, the 3 Cougar boys are all good friends of mine. We get along really fine. Randall is like my best smoking kaki besides Eugene cause we're the only 2 in our bunk that smokes haha. Chu Heng is my running buddy, we always run together during Healthy Lifestyle and Prasadh is always offering my biscuits. It's all good. They're not the Cougar boys, or rather Cougar boy, that I kinda dislike.. Hahaha!

Alright, after a tiring day of guard duty yesterday, I satisfied my need for a bloody long nap just now and I'm going for dinner now. Book in 2230. Don't think I'm coming home next nights out so update this space next week. I'm out.

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Last week

The most relax/fun/slack course in the whole of SAF is finally gonna come to an end before the week after next is out. I guess I'm really fortunate to have came into this course, even more so that I'm in this frame with this batch of coursemates and this team of instructors. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way if I had a choice. Every single person in each of the 4 syndicates contributed to the liveliness, fun and I'd call success for the running for this course.

As true as ever, there'll always be a few fucked up characters around who'll do something to irritate the shit out of everyone. At the end of the day, I think I can say that we eventually ended up on the winning side because we blanket-ed those who deserved it and even managed to make someone cry right in front of the whole course. Lol! They say that my song "Congratulations..and celebrations..." was the killer blow, but what do I know. I was merely following everyone's lead, particularly Sgt Douglas who's an instructor himself btw. Fuck it, I had fun, everyone had fun, as mean as it may sound, I don't really care.

I thought BMT was tight cause I always go chiong clubbing with my platoon mates. However, this course kinda really owned BMT cause it's so much longer (4 months!) and we got more time to stay together in the same bunk and go through the same shit. This few weeks we're like trying hard to make up for lost time realising the course is about to end. Been pubbing almost every other Friday nights, squeezing in Sentosa trips here and there, singing KTV and even prawning. When the company is good, any activity will be fun. All the more so if it involves ogling at babes or getting wasted hahaha.

I do realise that this entry sounds a tad too emo. But it's true. None of us really want this course to end because all that awaits us is the boring repetitive unit life. Particularly so when VC had warned me before that in the coy line, CQ doesn't really have any friends. Our bunk in STC is somewhat already a home; Ma'am Agnes' constant nagging, Sgt Fazli's sacarsm (Joseph, let's stare at the camo net together and wait for it to erect by itself), Sgt Doug's laid-back friendliness, Master Ahad's literally toothless tekan-ing (I'm the motherfucker from hell! You want heaven? I give you hell!), we're gonna have to live without all of it in a matter of days. The list goes on and on, and I'd really wanna give a big thank-you to everyone in STC for giving me quite possibly the best and most memorable time in my NS life

Szeto asked me before what I wanted to achieve in this course, and then my 2 years of NS. I asked him back and he said all he wanted to do was to make more friends everywhere. I have never felt more of what you might say, a sense of reliance or dependence on my friends before. I have almost always thought of myself as someone who can be isolated, independent and maybe even a little aloof. And I'm proud of that. Recently, I'm just glad to have my friends around me with whom I can just hang out with. It's true afterall, humans are creatures who are dying to get out and socialize. The more the better.

Gotta thank Boonie for bringing me to OCC for a swim this morning too. Had an awesome time swimming after god knows how long, not to mention the killer toilet that's really just WOW. I'm really just glad of all these wonderful people around me helping me keep my days occupied so I don't feel like a pathetic grousy loser perpetually stuck at home. Then again my grandma will tell you that I'm never at home.

Alright gotta go for a haircut and get ready to book in already. More emo rantings next week. Out till then.

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Hong gan.

It's not that I don't wanna update this blog, it's just that my internet got cut for real this time cause I'm moving very soon on 9th Dec and the new place don't have the SCV cable connection. Word I received so far is that since I won't be at home most of the time (depending on my posting), it would be an unnecessary expense to subscribe to internet cause I'm the only one using it.

Yes I'm at a random internet cafe in Katong, yes I think I will frequent such places more and more often in the future to stay in touch. Can you imagine? No internet connection in this day and age.

Another pretty unbelievable event is that I'm gonna POC soon! Either on the 5th or 9th Dec. 7 weeks of BMT passes so fast, although I must seriously say I enjoyed my time in Tekong much much more than I expected. Maybe because my BMT is modified and not xiong at all, and maybe it's because of the wonderfully diversed groups of people I met in camp. Whatever it is, I'm really thankful I checked into Tekong for this experience and spent this period of my life learning how to defend my country, albeit minimally so. The most xiong training IMO wasn't with any rifle or SOC or what cause most of us are excused upper limb, it was the games day training instead.

Tug of war, what can I say, you gotta try it to believe it. Every training we will be so shagged that all of us will end up lying on the floor screaming and panting. It's like everytime my sgt blows the whistle for us to start pulling, with every second we hold onto the rope, our soul slowly seeps out our bodies through our screams and sweat. When we hear the word "recover", we will just break down and lie on the floor feeling we can fly. This is real training, PES C-style haha.

Been clubbing like every bookout recently. Dbl O Zouk Dbl O Zouk, Thursday at Dbl O was super fucked up cause my mom had to come out to the busstop to drag me home. That was how bad it was. And apparently James took evil photos and videos of Eugene and I at the Macs and according to them, the whole Macs was laughing at us cause we were totally unconcious while they did stupid stunts to us. Using curry sauce to draw on my tattoo was one, leaving us alone at Macs while they went out to smoke to make people think they left us behind was another. Even I myself cringed when I watched the video last night... Gonna brush up on my 5-10 so that I won't lose 12 in a row and had to down the 12 shots straight up. And the worst thing was that I lost to a girl! Instead of getting the girl drunk I got like bloody wasted right there and then.

I don't think I can sustain this kind of lifestyle for long. Besides I gotta have the right company too. My this group of platoon mates is sibei zai thats why we can go chiong so much. After we POC all of us will probably be posted to different units then won't stay in contact so often.. Good times never last. Neither does money. My $400 laughable NS allowance is screaming for me to stop.

Sometimes I look at myself and my life and I really wanna shake my head and sigh. I remember 2 or 3 years back I was in some internet cafe cause my internet connection got cut, my family is in a mess, my finances are tight, I don't know where and when I'm moving house to and I felt pretty lonely then. Like a piece of driftwood just floating in the vast ocean with no sense of direction or destination. Nothing to anchor on to and no shore to look forward to reaching. (*cue Akon's Lonely) Fast forward to now and I've came full circle back where I began. Everything reverted back to square one. Here I am again, lonely and lost, not knowing what else there is left to fight for. Why is there no progress in my life? Does this signify that this is all I'm good enough for?

Huixian told me yesterday that my ego is big sometimes and I've got a short temper. I've never thought of myself this way. Maybe the people around me see it better than I do. Are you silently nodding now too? What I do know is that I have many flaws and I always have this low self-esteem problem more than people know it. Recent fold of events seem to reaffirm my views.

Meeting KG, VC and the Hoe later and probably will get di siao until die again. But whatever, probably gonna check out here for the last time as a chao recruit before becoming a private. Chao recruit out.

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