Relac-jack.

Yet another relac-jack week passed me by. Nothing happened, which in a way is good too. No high points, no low points, no nothing.

Having said that, I think one of the most important things we can learn from serving NS is how to LLST. They should really include it as a core value or something. Loyalty to country, leadership, yada yada, LLST! People say act blur live longer, I think LLST will live longer too. I'm starting to lose patience with people who just can't learn how to LLST even though they have served much longer than me and are gonna ORD-ing this year. Hello, this is the SAF, if you're gonna sit down and complain about every single thing that is not up to your 'civilian' standard or liking, you might as well just migrate elsewhere and give up your citizenship.

My BMT mate once told me, "Cannot everything also suck thumb one." False. Everything also can suck thumb, because if you're gonna go against the grain you'll always end up at the losing end. That's definitely true for NS, and I think I've really honed my suck thumb skills there quite well now that I'm applying it to other parts of my life as well. Maybe that's why I'm not having any high or low points recently, because everything is just flat on the ground for me. Don't hope, don't complain, don't moan, I can't change anything even if I want to so just LLST. I don't know how true or correct this is for everyone, but at least for me it seems to be working out.

Sure, I might never be truly happy if I carry on with this mentality, but at least I know it's much more effortless to avoid being unhappy now. And I'm really, really lazy to try anything else. I've turned my back on my 'numb' tattoo for quite awhile now, it's time to lead my life the way that is made for people like me. It's all I want, and probably all I deserve as well.

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Full-body workout

After much deliberation and advice from the mods from CIA, I have finally changed my workout routine to a full-body workout comprising of only compound exercises. Shit man, I really think that I've wasted so much time and I should've used this routine so long ago. I was afraid of doing all the big lifts and I thought that my legs are usually sore for up to 3-4 days so it's impossible I can work them 4 times a week. Turns out that I'm wrong, the more you work it the less sore it becomes.

After trying out for a week, I think it's really stupid to do body part split without a solid foundation so I'm gonna stick to this routine for another 6 months or touchwood, until my next injury lol. So this is how a typical workout look like:

5 mins inclined-walk warmup
6 x 5 chin-ups supersetted with
3 x 8 of Squat 135lbs
and
3 x 8 of Deadlift 95lbs

3 x 8 Barbell Row 95lbs
3 x 8 Bench Press 115lbs
3 x 8 Military Press 65lbs
10 mins HIIT

Trying to squeeze 10mins HIIT into each session but I'm damn lazy... gonna do on at least 2 of the 4 days starting next week. Sometimes, less is really more.

There's this gay thing I was surfing the CIA forums and they had this website which shows a general guideline on how much you should be lifting for your weight class to determine your level. For e.g. intermediate, advanced blahblah. And I checked my weights against the table and I realised I'm not even anywhere near Untrained! I was so depressed until I found out that I..... did not add the weight of the olympic barbell. Which in any case at least puts me nearer to Untrained. Lol. Well Novice is 3-9 months and I'm just a week into this compound training and I'm not that far off... I think...

I've been eating alot on workout days I think. I don't know if it's correct or healthy but it sure isn't healthy on my wallet. The usual high protein mid carb low fat... protein = meat and meat = $$$. And I have no idea what my current diet is gonna do to my body fat especially since I stopped running as intensively now.

Anyway, if I do ever come close to being where I wanna be then nothing will be more redempted. I shall carry on labouring away for the time being. Gonna increase by 5lbs next week for all. Updates again next week!

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Buried

You know what they say, it never rains but it pours.

Work was super slow paced till yesterday despite having our usual killer 2-hour meeting on Monday to thrash out the progress and approach to the 2 ongoing projects. Everything was either held up here or there so most of the time I'm sitting in front of the PC dozing off, hoping that no one'll notice. And then there was today, when suddenly all the responses to the queries start coming back and the workload just exploded.

Imagine juggling 2 projects simultaneously with overlapping scope, and you have to go through Point A.1 A.2 A.3 A.4 A.5 A.6 and so on before reaching Point B from Point A for pretty much every testing. By lunchtime my desk is already stacked high up with files and I'm totally buried by this avalanche. TGIF? I don't think so...

Miraculously though I managed to convince my manager and myself that we are on track to meet the deadline. That explains why no OT so far. Next week will be the crucial week, if we can't churn out the reports on time..hahaha, I don't even wanna think about it.

Anyway just staying awake for the Man Utd match later. Berbatov Berbatov, will he or won't he?

Speaking of Spurs, I caught the Spurs vs Sunderland match last week and I thought Sunderland looked pretty good. Granted Spurs were on the offensive for most of the match but Sunderland managed to hit them where and when it hurts most. Looking at Sunderland's squad, Keano actually put together a decent, albeit expensively-assembled, side on paper with a few 'big' names. It's still early days to judge how they will do and they've only gotten their first win, but I'm starting to take an interest in following Sunderland's season apart from Man Utd. Afterall, they've got my former 'fav' Kieran Richardson who absolutely sucks whenever he pulls on a Man Utd jersey but generally excels everywhere else (think West Brom). It could be the way they made Liverfools look distinctly mediocre in their opening match, or the fact that they upset the stubborn Spurs who refuse to let go of Berbatov. Anyhow, hope the Black Cats will win all their home games except the one against Man Utd and put in a good show this season.

The Comex IT show is here again.. Ipod, should I or shouldn't I?

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Booking in loh

4 more hours to book in.

I think the "2-week adjustment period" is rather effective cause most, if not all, of us were really pretty much adjusted to BMT. We don't even countdown the days to book out by the 4th day and I'm thinking if we never got to book out it wouldn't be such a big deal. Except maybe for the smokers who are really dying towards the end of 2 weeks cause they ran out of cigarettes haha.. all keep show the shagged dying face.

This bookout was pretty low actually. Man Utd lost to Arsenal 2-1, and somehow I keep getting this lost feeling. Like bookout also zo bo. Like there's nothing much waiting for me in mainland. At least I got to keep my grandma company, but that's just that. Hiding in Tekong doesn't seem to be such a bad thing afterall.

2 more cds added today, Secondhand Serenade's A Twist In My Story and Keane's Perfect Symmetry. I know for sure the SS cd will be nice but Keane is quite a bet. I abso-fucking-lutely loved their 1st album but their 2nd album is like taking a nosedive after reaching the peak. Previewed the first 2 songs at the store and was quite ok..hope it really is. $400 a month... how many cds can I buy man.

All this emo music is gonna keep me company during my lonely nights in camp. Off to prep for hiding in Tekong now. Recruit H G See out.

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Samsung Galaxy Grand Duos Gt-i9082 Blue (Factory Unlocked) I9082 , Dual Sim ,8gb

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GENERAL 2G Network GSM 850 / 900 / 1800 / 1900 - SIM 1 & SIM 2 3G Network HSDPA 900 / 1900 / 2100 - SIM 1 only SIM Dual SIM (Mini-SIM, dual stand-by) BODY Dimensions 143.5 x 76.9 x 9.6 mm (5.65 x 3.03 x 0.38 in) Weight 162 g (5.71 oz) DISPLAY Type Capacitive touchscreen, 16M colors Size 480 x 800 pixels, 5.0 inches (~187 ppi pixel density) Multitouch Yes - TouchWiz UI SOUND Alert types Vibration; MP3, WAV ringtones Loudspeaker Yes 3.5mm jack Yes MEMORY Card slot microSD, up to 64 GB Internal 8 GB, 1 GB RAM DATA GPRS Yes EDGE Yes Speed HSDPA, 21 Mbps; HSUPA, 5.76 Mbps WLAN Wi-Fi 802.11 a/b/g/n, dual-band, Wi-Fi hotspot Bluetooth Yes, v4.0 with A2DP, LE, EDR USB Yes, microUSB v2.0 CAMERA Primary 8 MP, 3264x2448 pixels, autofocus, LED flash Features Geo-tagging, touch focus, face and smile detection, image stabilization Video Yes, 1080p@30fps Secondary Yes, 2 MP FEATURES OS Android OS, v4.1.2 (Jelly Bean) CPU Dual-core 1.2 GHz Sensors Accelerometer, gyro, proximity, compass Messaging SMS(threaded view), MMS, Email, Push Mail, IM, RSS Browser HTML5 Radio Stereo FM radio with RDS GPS Yes, with A-GPS, support and GLONASS Java Yes, via Java MIDP emulator Colors Black, White - Active noise cancellation with dedicated mic- SNS integration- MP4/WMV/H.264/H.263 player- MP3/WAV/eAAC+/AC3/FLAC player- Organizer- Image/video editor- Document viewer- Google Search, Maps, Gmail,YouTube, Calendar, Google Talk, Picasa- Voice memo/dial/commands- Predictive text input BATTERY Li-Ion 2100 mAh battery

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You are not special.

I wonder how people can live with the notion that they are special, that we are all special in a way. No doubt we are different, but that does not make us special. Some of us may be born rich, born handsome, born with a big brain blahblahblah, but that does not give us (or you) the priviledge to feel that you are special or the one or that you have the world at your feet. According to Deathnote, we all go to the same fucked up place of nothingness when we die. (Hope I'm not going to hell) I'm like, come on, no one planned anything for you. You don't deserve what you have because of what you are. You deserve it because of what you do. If you don't do shit about anything, how can you expect someone else to plan it for you and serve it up for you AND you'll still have the cheek to accept it? Because you are 'special'?

Is it so hard to blame yourself for once when something goes wrong?

I'm quite fired up 2 nights ago. I feel that I've been swimming in a pond below my league for awhile and that explains the overachieving and I really should not be running away anymore. That's what I've been doing, running away and running away. Well no more, I'm absolutely fired up to do the best I can and I told myself it's gonna start in the office the next day, whereby I'll do all my work seriously and learn whatever there is to learn by the end of this job.

Having said that, my fire kinda extinguished when I got back my previous case today to clear the audit reviews while halfway through my current one. By the time it's 6pm, I'm so fucking glad the day's over but I'm also starting to panic and wonder if I can finish the audits on time. On top of the 2-3 collation files that have yet to be finalised, I still have 2 audits that's ongoing at the same time. My office table and mind are both really in a mess and my multi-tasking ability is going into overdrive.

That's why, that's why my weekends are extra precious and I need gym to give me an avenue to let it all out. Of course the real reason is that I've been binging on candy and chocolate in office almost everyday to help me get through the workload.

I'm already complaining while working in a small firm, what will happen if I work in big4? Can I really work in big4? I shouldn't be doubting myself, I shouldn't give myself an excuse to run away again.

Bring back my fire and bring me through the wire.

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Last day at Canon

Just a couple of pics to commemorate my last day at Canon, here it goes:

Margy Margaret my manager

SIA guys, Strategic Internal Audit not the airline

the SIA girls, women, rather

happy SIA staff

Check out my friendster for more gonna upload later, blogspot not really photo friendly. Playing ps2 now cause don't really wanna sleep, can't really sleep either. Maybe update again later in the night/morning.

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DXO

I wonder if any of you all had been to DXO recently. It's like totally different from the last time I went there a few years back, back when there's still a ladies night, we still had to pay cover charge, and there were actually a queue and people clubbing. It's no longer a club, more like a pub or a water hose actually. $1 cover charge and drinks are like $4 each. Gosh.. and the crowd there, they actually can dance to the manila live band. Hahaha Fel and I had a pretty good laugh but it got awkward soon looking at how the people were enjoying themselves.

Thankfully Brenda and SB couldn't make it. They would've been so disappointed because if it's clubbing you're looking for DXO is really not the place, not anymore anyway.

I think last night was okay, didn't really overdrink although still sufficiently drunk haha. Got all high and tipsy but not to the extent of hangover and vomit. $4 a shot, who can resist? Almost died on the way back though, had to hold back my pee on the NR for so long.

Woke up at 7+ today, still feeling a little bad over what happened. The thing about crossing boundaries is that we set our own boundaries and it's different for everyone. I'd like to think I didn't cross mine, but in fact I know I did that's why I'm feeling pretty bad and couldn't really sleep last night. I really wish I'm someone else, someone who can just go ahead and do and fuck care about anything else.

But here I am, after sobering up I'm still me sitting here and nothing has changed or improved. Did it made things worse? I guess a little but I'll have to find out.

And next Friday is coming a little too soon.

The customary emo lyrics that I'm relating to is coming up.

Like A Knife

I did a lot, I know you say
I've got to get away.
"The world is not yours for the taking"
Is all you ever say.
I know I'm not the best for you,
But promise that you'll stay.
'Cause if I watch you go,
You'll see me wasting, you'll see me wasting away

'Cause today, you walked out of my life
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

Goodbyes are meant for lonely people standing in the rain
And no matter where I go it's always pouring all the same.
These streets are filled with memories
Both good for detected pain
And all I wanna do is love you
But I'm the only one to blame.

'Cause today, you walked out of my life
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

But what do I know, if you're leaving
All you did was stop the bleeding.
But these scars will stay forever,
These scars will stay forever
And these words have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling
That we held on to together
Try your hardest to remember

Stay with me,
Or watch me bleed,
I need you just to breathe.

'Cause today, you walked out of my life(stay with me, or watch me bleed)
'Cause today, your words felt like a knife(i need you just to breathe.)
I'm not living this life

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Nokia 100 RH-131_NV Factory Unlocked Mobile Phone - Black

Features

• GSM Unlocked - Dual Band; 1.8" TFT Screen Display (128 x 160 pixels), 65K colors
• Phonenook: 500 entries; SMS Messaging
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Man Utd 4 - 0 Arsenal

That's the reason I'm still not sleeping even though its over 3am. I seriously regret a little not taking the walk over to Serangoon Central to watch this match and I probably missed the greatest and most dominant match of Man Utd so far this season. This is truly total pwnage and there are so many quotes that I can copy from the soccernet live commentary to commemorate this day, just to name a few:

"What a performance from United. All the talk before the game was that another home defeat could have killed their season. But they are alive and kicking after thrashing an atrocious Arsenal team today. It honestly could have been nine nil. Crazy."

"On reflection, Arsenal can count themselves lucky not to have shipped about seven goals today, such has been United's dominance. Nani causes havoc again there and his cross is nipped off Saha's boot by Toure."

"Now Adebayor is carded for the most pathetic dive I have ever seen inside the area! Shame on you!"

"There are about 65 of the 9,000 Arsenal fans who came to the game left in their section at present."

HAHAHA PWNED>

Been spending quite alot of money recently, really wish that payday would come sooner. It's still only 17th omfg and manager would be coming back on Monday. No more leaving at 6 on the dot, no more dilly-dallying in the office. Things seem to only be capable of getting worse.

I remember reading from one of those forward email that suggests us to eat a snail or slug or whatever is gross enough to disgust you the first thing in the morning. Why? So that you've experienced the worst possible thing already so things cannot get any worse for the day. Sounds crappy and logical at the same time.

Anyway, I seriously feel that the Diploma in Accountancy does not qualify me to do audit work. I've got no fucking idea how to fill up the audit programme and I'm always asking Chi Tat how to do this and that. Collation is really easy the problems are so minimal, audit is DA shit. I'm wondering if I will really know what how to do it 1 month later... damn.

Met up with my poly classmates to celebrate Fel's birthday a few days back and the minute we sat down we were busy conversating about work. I guess it's just what it can do to you after spending so many hours a week in the office. Khim was passing around a contact list yesterday for us to fill in our msn & hp no., and I wonder if we really will communicate outside office. It's like we see each other every day for so long do we really have anything else to talk about after office hours? Maybe the question is do we still WANT to talk to each other? Lol...

Alright enough of all this rubbish I'm gonna sleep now and hopefully get enough rest for a good day at gym tomorrow.

MAN UTD 4 - 0 ARSENAL HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

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There's a thousand you there's only one of me.

I haven't been feeling well for the past 2 days, having the perennial blocked and runny nose and a little bit of a cold. Damn the aircon in the labs and MLT10 so freaking cold and the moment you step out it's so freaking warm, how can anyone don't fall sick under this kinda freaky conditions? It was pouring a few days back and I think I got caught in the rain too, so kinda explains it. Was feeling a little feverish during IAP and thought of skipping gym and going home to rest but I had second thoughts and went ahead to gym instead.

After sweating my ass out, I actually feel alot better. I guess that's the difference, I could choose to go home and sleep and wake up feeling like shit or I could drag myself over to the gym and work my ass off until I feel like shit. Lol, I like the second option better definitely. There's always a choice to everything. The rain can't stop me, the pain can't stop me, the fatigue can't stop me, the haters sure can't stop me, only I can stop me.

Choice. This word had been on my mind for the past week since I rewatched the 1st episode of Supernatural Season 2. The reaper, in the image of a girl in distress, tried to convince Dean to accept fate and what has happened and move on and all she got was a slight nod of the head + "Well, that's crap." I wish I could be like him and firmly believe in having a choice in everything and never bowing to fate. I'm trying and I'm determined to set myself straight by adopting this thinking and not leaving everything in someone else's hand, however almighty he might be.

The courage to accept what I can't change, the strength to change what I can and the wisdom to know the difference? I've been having this thinking lately, fate is a result of your choices. Agree? Feels like a firm subscriber to the Chaos Theory...rather unbecoming of a person who's holds logic and sensibility in high regard.

I really think that I'm not someone who can express my feelings for my loved ones in public to everyone else. For example you'll only hear me talking about the disadvantages about being attached, the loss of freedom blahblahblah but you'll seldom, if not never, hear me talk about how I enjoy being in love with dear. Do I not? Of course not! I just don't know how to say this kinda things. When I look at all the single people around me and the type of lives they're leading, I sure am glad I'm attached and if given a choice, I'd definitely rather be in love with dear than be single. Maybe that's why she sometimes feels unappreciated cause I don't mention much about her in my blog...well here's a shoutout again. Dear I love you and I'm just glad that you're by my side. No matter what I might say to others or what I might not say to you, you know this is the way I feel inside.

It's the same with, like the people who appear to be better than me. I don't love my present life and self to bits, but I don't exactly hate them either. I might whine a little and give props to others but deep down, I'm just glad that I am me and I don't envy them cause I feel that I'm much better? What's that, ego and hypocrisy or whatnot. I'm just happy with what I'm doing, where I am and where I'm heading to. I wouldn't wanna change my life or myself with anything or anyone else.

One way or another, this has gotta make me a happy person. Lol.

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Foot rot.

Why does my feet always smell so bloody darn bad after guard duty? I don't know how they're gonna rot when I go for field exercise next month. Just 24hours without taking off my boots there're already these whiteish fungus-like thing on my soles and the smell is like salted fish x 1000000000. Seriously hong gan man.

Met up with KG and VC on friday night before VC heads off to Brunei for 2 weeks. He was saying about his quail-killing experience and man, I really don't know if I'm able to do that. I think there're really only 2 types of people around in these world, those who can pull off a quail's neck and those that can't. I can't imagine myself doing that. Give me a weapon and MAYBE, just maybe I can kill it but pull off its head bare-handed? Respect to my man VC.

Then we did something that was part of The Life routine, which is buying some $4.60 worth of candy from Candy Empire and sitting down in a square in Millenia Walk to eat. 3 grown man, NSFs, sharing a packet of candy and talking. This is THE LIFE.

3 of my bunkmates were from Cougar Coy back in BMT and they were always talking about how tough and fucked up their BMT was. Of course, Cougar is famous for being the "Ninja Coy" of School 1 and judging by the way Ninja trains, it's really really damn fucking xiong. I should know, Orion is just opposite of Ninja and they'll sleep later and wake up earlier than us everyday.

Back to these Cougar boys, everytime I hear them talk about their xiong BMT, I will suddenly be overcame with a sense of inferiority. To be honest, my 6-week+ modified BMT is really relac-jac and cannot be compared to any other Coys I think. I believe that men are moulded by their experiences and the more shit they are made to go through, the tougher they will be when they came out of it. A little like the corny overused saying - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So these Cougar boys went through their hellish BMT, I'm sure they had benefitted from it and became better men, if not better soldiers at least. What does that make me then? Inferior to these men from Cougar? Inferior soldier?

I guess I just have too much pride and ego in me, that's why I'll have these feelings. I hate to be inferior to others but I feel so all the time. Or maybe I felt it much stronger in this case simply because they are from Cougar Coy. People always say the true colours will show during outfield, and I wanna test myself to see if deep down I really am an inferior soldier compared to them.

I know I sound like I got a screw loose right, why wanna act so garang? Perhaps I haven't really kannah 1x jialat jialat experience before, that's why here I am talking shit. Maybe I'll change to be a chao keng king after that, who knows. (If you don't already consider me chao keng!) Kinda looking a little teeny weeny forward to the outfield, not so much to my foot-rot though.

Anyway just to clarify, make no mistake, the 3 Cougar boys are all good friends of mine. We get along really fine. Randall is like my best smoking kaki besides Eugene cause we're the only 2 in our bunk that smokes haha. Chu Heng is my running buddy, we always run together during Healthy Lifestyle and Prasadh is always offering my biscuits. It's all good. They're not the Cougar boys, or rather Cougar boy, that I kinda dislike.. Hahaha!

Alright, after a tiring day of guard duty yesterday, I satisfied my need for a bloody long nap just now and I'm going for dinner now. Book in 2230. Don't think I'm coming home next nights out so update this space next week. I'm out.

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CNY long weekend!

I haven't updated this blog since my last post, when I was still in the midst of my nerve-wrecking pulsating final examinations period. An overall assessment of the papers, I actually feel that the last AFA paper is the hardest. The theory portion is ... pretty unexpected and my answers were definitely not my most confident ones. Anyhow, with the ending of that paper my poly life has also came to an end. I used to hear them stories from Steven about how chiong and fun his poly life is, but now that mine's over I don't really feel that mine was even half as chiong and fun.

Still, David and I agreed on this, Poly > Secondary School ALL THE WAY. A better word to describe my poly life would be... relaxing. Everything was relaxing and cool and after 3 years of over-achieving I don't think my life will ever encounter a smoother period again. Primary school time was crazily easy but that's when I was still a kid. Secondary school is stressful with puberty and all and seems like a popularity contest sometimes. Poly is just do your thing and pretty much mind your own business and no one will bother about you. And did I mention the babes too? Lol. Of course not forgetting the babe that I "amazingly snagged" in year 2 and in someone's words, "cannot figure out how I actually manage to do it". C'mon she's not THAT out of my league...I think...I hope.

Haven't been posting photos for a while, so here's the "babe" in CoffeeBean after the AFA paper:

She thinks that she looks cute with this expression. HAHA OMG>>

The theme for the following 2 photos: Act Candid.

Started working at GNS last Friday thanks to Brenda's recommendation. I sure owe her a $20 orh luah for landing me the job. Work was alright too, not very difficult but hire purchase and cash flow statement can be quite troublesome. Only did collation and heck I spent an entire day on a case on Monday trying to fix the hire purchase and cash flow. Got me really fucked up and thankfully I managed to figure out just what the accountant was doing. Manager said I'm gonna start auditing next Monday after the 3 interns from SP come in. I guess it's their turn to do collation next.

And then there's CNY. I think I screwed my diet up big time. Anyway, I didn't mention here but I gave up on cutting cause I realised I still could lift heavy for all except for bench press. Back to bulking so my diet is not THAT strict but still, the CNY goodies are killing me. The Taiwan Muahchee and Love Letters are really my vices, not to mention the lack of HIIT and cardio this 2 weeks due to Sam the Hoe's absence from our weekly training. Been taking it easy with VC doing 2.4km and light swimming. Yes I gained weight, yes it's not (all) muscle, yes I'm pretty screwed. Meeting David and VC to lift somemore tomorrow, hoping for redemption from all the Muahchee.

And I finally understand the goodness of brown rice. Not only is it nutritious, it's simply the best food for a healthy diet because there is no fking way you can binge on your meals if you are taking it. It's so icky that you wouldn't want another bowl and it fills you up fast so you won't need the extra calories. I gotta mix it with white rice I'm a wuss.

Give brown rice a try, you won't regret it. Not.

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Bodyweight Circuit

Promised to post up the circuit I attempted today, so here it is:

Inclined walk 5 mins + Stretching as warmup
2.4km at 10mins (easier than the first time, but still hard!)

Bodyweight Squats (20 reps)
Tricep Pushup (10 reps)
Reverse Lunges (20 reps)
Side plank (30s per side)
Plank (1min)
Mountain Climber (20 reps)
Jumping Jacks (30/60/50 reps)

Completed under 5 mins, rested 2 mins and repeated the circuit thrice. My heartbeat was still ok, not really racing like when I did burpees but my sweat was dripping down all over.

So, thinking I hadn't had enough, I proceeded with the next circuit:

Chinups (8 reps)
Burpees (10 reps)
Inclined Situps (10 reps)
Inclined Leg-raise (10 reps)

THIS IS THA BOMB. Maybe it's because I did some work before that but damn I really felt giddy/nauseous (I can't spell this)/fucked up, like all the negative feeling come at once. Rested for 5 mins still cannot recover had to lay on the mat like a dead pig. Initially wanted to repeat 1 more set but really cmi so did another 8 chinups and called it a day.

Was so so so so so hungry and giddy after that, called dear to buy me a banana in school out of desperation while I was waiting for train. I'm wondering if I should just attack the 2nd circuit every workout since it makes me wanna vomit. I'll increase the reps for the first circuit next workout to see if it does the same for me and then decide again.

Anyway, was feeling overwhelmed by AFA last night, so much so that I decided to study just 1 day for MA and 1 day for CSP and leave all the days for AFA. There's like so so so so much to know! Until Mr Lye said those tested in CAs won't be tested again then I felt like a glimmer of hope appeared. Suddenly don't feel so overwhelmed, finished accounting for income taxes just now, maybe read up on hedging tutorial questions before sleeping later.

I can do it I can do it I can do it can't stop psyching myself. This shit is nothing!

Ripped to shreds ripped to shreds ripped to shreds (repeat until end of time)

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Nokia Lumia 920 Factory Unlocked, 32GB, WP8, 8PM Carl Zeiss -Yellow-

Features

• Factory Unlocked for any GSM (Will not work with Sprint, Nextel, Verozion) Please Check 3G/4G/LTE compatibility with your provider
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• Size 768 x 1280 pixels, 4.5 inches (~332 ppi pixel density)
• Internal 32 GB storage
• BODY Dimensions 130.3 x 70.8 x 10.7 mm, 99 cc (5.13 x 2.79 x 0.42 in)

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Factory Unlocked for any GSM (Will not work with Sprint, Nextel, Verozion) Please Check 3G/4G/LTE compatibility with your provider DISPLAY Type IPS TFT capacitive touchscreen, 16M colors Size 768 x 1280 pixels, 4.5 inches (~332 ppi pixel density) Internal 32 GB storage BODY Dimensions 130.3 x 70.8 x 10.7 mm, 99 cc (5.13 x 2.79 x 0.42 in)

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I will follow you into the dark.

MIA for 2 weeks or so again. Overdue bills resulting in disconnection again. I didn't keep track of how many times this had happened over the past few years but I bet I'm into double figures now. Anyway, I finished the book mentioned in the previous post and I went on to buy the supposedly polar-opposite counterargument Free to Choose written by Milton and Rose Friedman. Can't start on that yet , I'm now not even a fifth through The World Is Flat that dear lent me. Let's see how this battle of free market purported by extreme capitalism and globalisation with mixed-economy socialism pans out in the next couple of weeks.

I'm only just a little into The World Is Flat and the first part's talking all about outsourcing. The idea is simple and logical, find whoever can do the job at the cheapest cost and bring the job to him wherever he is. There's nothing wrong with this but considering the fact that apparently everything can be outsourced and justfiably so, will it be soon before long that every last drop of humanity will be outsourced in a way that makes the most economic sense? I shudder to think the day the functions of family ties and friendship and such can be outsourced to the cheapest provider. Don't think it's possible? No one thought that the functions of the government can be outsourced till all that's left is a hollow shell too, but just look at that global superpower now.

On a lighter note, in case you haven't been informed, 7th September Sunday at Sentosa Costa Sands there'll be a 2D1N chalet cum bbq to celebrate MY BIRTHDAY. 20th birthday, not 30th or 40th ok thanks. Please do drop by if you can and sms or call me beforehand to let me know you're coming. It's not gonna be a smashing party or what so don't expect too much, my family will be around so it's gonna be a decent affair haha. We'll just sit around eat some bbq food and drink some booze and chat.

Caught this song 'I Will Follow You Into The Dark' by Death Cab For Cuties on radio one night and thought it was so I don't know, moving? Like a simple yet sincere promise without all the lavish and impractical sweet nothings. At the risk of sounding like a fruitcake, I think this is what true love sounds like.

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Love of mine
Someday you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of the spark
If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In catholic school, as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me
Have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes
Are all worn down, the time for sleep is now
But it's nothing to cry about cause we'll hold each other soon
In the blackest of rooms

If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied
Illuminate the no's on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark
I'll follow you into the dark.

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Sex and the city.

Been quite busy this 2 weeks that's why stopped updating regularly again.

Another reason is that I'm like squeezing whatever free time I have in between things to do and places to be to watch SEX AND THE CITY. It's like the total relationship bible-drama and every situation that can occur in a relationship you'll find it in there. I'M SUCH A GIRL I KNOW. HAHA. I bought the dvds from China and it's like the complete set with what, 8 or 9 seasons. If I gotta choose between SATC and Prison Break and maybe even Lost, I think I will stick to being a puss. Lol.

My shoulder is still in a mess. I haven't been working it for more than a week and I'm gonna try another sinseh tmr. Hope it'll work this time. Anyway to keep up with the photos thing:

After a gruelling slow jog of probably less than 2km, a few sit-ups and zero pull-ups, I feel thinner already.

Ok whatever. Maybe a little inspired by SATC, I realised that males and commitment are just not naturally bound together. It's something we gotta learn, or rather gotta force onto ourselves cause I don't think you can ever find a male who will willingly embrace commitment to something, someone, anyone. But if you think something is worth it, you have to do it somehow.

Just wanna note down this feeling I had today. I was with dear at JP walking around to pass time cause it's too early for her to go to her grandma's house. I was supposed to my grandma at Gek Poh to eat dinner but dear asked me if I could meet her somewhere near her grandma's house instead, just so I could accompany dear on her journey there. Yes this is really something small, insignificant even. But to me, all I felt was that dear really wanted to be with me, as in she doesn't want anything material or demands anything from me, she just plainly wanted me to be physically beside her and keep her company. And I really love her for making me feel this way, for pulling me close to her and keeping me there.

But of course it's never all smooth-sailing. I've still got my commitment issues to sort out. But at the end I feel it's worth it. To quote from SATC, "He may be the one wielding the whip, but I'm the one who tied myself to the bed."

Another inspiration from SATC, this character Samantha is the ultimate player just gunning for sex and never love. She's like the female counterpart to the playboy that every girl hates to meet but dies to love and boy do these players really exist. It usually never takes too long for one to identify these players, but you can take forever to try to walk away from them. So, wise up wise up, or you'll find yourself posing just to keep up with them cause they'll always be 3 or 4 steps ahead. These players will only pull you close for a while and push you so much further away, and who needs that in our lives anyway.

Then again, we ALWAYS want what we don't need.

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It's all good.

Just updating for updating's sake, really nothing much went on for me recently.

Had a good couple of friday nights out with my poly mates drinking. First was at a pub in Selegie then last week was at our class bbq. Got drunk as hell, vomitted during the bbq after all the tequila. It's all good. I love staying up overnight, especially with mates I can chill with. Gives me the impression that my weekend is sort of extended into 3 days instead of 2 before I gotta go back to my repetitive office rat life.

How long more can I keep this up? As long as I'm getting paid, I would say. Work work work work work.

Shoutout to my girl: good luck for your exams girl.

Some photos below to enjoy, courtesy of Brenda.

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2x "Hell" Week

Gonna book in later and get ready for our so-called 2x "hell" week - 2 consecutive outfield over 2 weeks. I suppose the Tekong one's gonna be damn relax. I mean, sleeping in bunk, eating fresh ration from cookhouse and we're even moving a damn washing machine over. Where else do you hear about such an "outfield" right? Don't know about the LCK one though, was pre-warned that it's gonna be xiong as hell. Take it as it comes then.

The grouping for this outfield was quite godlike too. There's Zhuang Randall and Fabian on my team machiam the original Boozer Room crew put together. We were initially talking about hopefully all the smokers can be grouped together cause we're like more tight and we can OTOT have lots of smoke breaks. Not a bad result eh, 4 out of 6 are smokers. Plus Karthik and Hamizah are pretty decent people themselves. This exercise is so gonna turn out to be like an adventure camp more than an outfield operation. Only downside is Ma'am Agnes is the instructor attached to our team but I guess I angkat her until gao gao she shouldn't be too hard on us now will she.

Anyway got this blog to reccommend => http://blu-r-ry.diaryland.com Yes it's my previous blog and the entries are pretty owning lol. Never fails to put my current situation in perspective while having a laugh at the way I was a few years back. Damn. This is embarrassing but it's also good stuff so I just gotta share with my readers. I'm really way more cool than that now. Trust me. Lol.

Perhaps I've made peace with myself and accepted that there isn't gonna be any major shake-ups in the near future or anything. Then again, there isn't really much to complain about at the end of the day is it? NS is well, just NS. You can't run away from it no matter how. Something Staff Chong said to tekan us kinda registered with me for awhile. He said that we must remember the country does not owe us anything and that we are the ones who owe this country. Propaganda maybe, but ain't that the truth? Besides I'm given food and lodging so it's all good. I've always thought that the best food in the world is free food. Besides, I'm not really the type who enjoys staying at home anyway. The allowance, meagre as it may be, is enough to buy me my fair share of cigarettes and alcohol to pass the days. Get pissed drunk on Friday nights after bookout, hang out with my homies on Saturdays to watch a movie then watch soccer at night, accompany my grandma on Sundays then back to camp. Life's pretty good isn't it?

It's true afterall, the main cause for disappointment is desire. The moment you stop wanting something more, you'll realise what it is that you already have and that it's actually not too shabby.

Check in again after I'm back from Tekong then.

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Samsung i9082 Galaxy Grand Duos 8Gb Factory Unlocked Dual Sim wifi 3G Android 4.

Features

• 2G Network GSM 850 / 900 / 1800 / 1900
• 3G Network HSDPA 850 / 1900 / 2100
• SIM Dual SIM (Mini-SIM, dual stand-by)
• OS Android OS, v4.1.2 (Jelly Bean) CPU Dual-core 1.2 GHz
• Internal 8 GB, 1 GB RAM

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This is a GSM phone and works world wide with all GSM carriers. Not for CDMA Carriers like Verizon Sprint ETC. Works with at&t 3G . T mobile 3G is not compatible with this model. Check your carrier's 3G bands prior to purchase.

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Nokia Lumia 920 Black Factory Unlocked 32GB phone 4G LTE 800 / 900 / 1800 / 2100 / 2600 - RM-821

Features

• 4G LTE 800 / 900 / 1800 / 2100 / 2600 - RM-821
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• Display: 768 x 1280 pixels, 4.5 inches (~332 ppi pixel density) Corning Gorilla Glass 2
• Camera: 8 MP, 3264 x 2448 pixels, Carl Zeiss optics, optical image stabilization, autofocus
• CPU: Dual-core 1.5 GHz Krait Qualcomm MSM8960 Snapdragon

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This Brand New Nokia Lumia 920 Black Factory Unlocked RM-821 4G LTE phone comes in Original box from Nokia with all Original accessories in Nokia box. NOT AT&T Unlocked phone! This phone will work with ANY GSM SIM card in the world.

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India Boy

Somehow, I'm already here in India for 3 weeks or so. The sad thing is I'm not even halfway through and seriously I feel like quitting now.

Although by and large I didn't exactly volunteered or chose to come here, there's a part of me that's clandestinely looking forward to this exercise. I mean, how often do you get a chance to come to India? Especially with food and lodging all paid for. I wanted to see the world and go wherever my feet would take me. Now I know what it means by be careful of what you wish for.

Whatever it is, I just want this exercise to cut ASAP and I can shout GOOD DAY and go back to SG. The main body arrived just now. Exercise will start on Monday and I guess time will pass by faster from now on. And that means my bruised and battered body will be even more shagged by the time this is shitass period is over.

Gosh I miss SG and all the people I left there.

I miss my little star :(

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My ugly 'patch'

This article was in the Newpaper a few days back, reporting on a tattoo-removal programme going on at some muslim community organisation providing cheaper service to those who wants to remove their ugly 'patch'. People interested in removing their tattoos maybe can check around the web for it cause they kinda half the price as it's a community programme. Tattoo removal is wayyy more expensive than getting tattooed.

This guy in the report with the dragon on his shoulder, actually I didn't think that it looked all that bad. The shading and details are quite good considering that it was done like 10 years ago. He said his tattoo wasn't a gang tattoo, it was just something his friends and him did to represent themselves as a group. But he still got into trouble with people asking him which gang he was from and why he got tattooed when he wasn't in any gang.

That's the thing. Tattoos = gang are so passe and yet so many people still cannot accept it. That guy said it kinda limited his job opportunities and he had to hide his tattoo from his future in-laws cause honestly I don't think that anyone would very gladly let their daughters date a man with a dragon tattoo without any reservations.

I guess it would be the same for me when the time comes when I'm a parent but of course that's still a long way to go and now, all I can say is I love my ugly 'patch'. Like what the heading says, 'Defiant at 18.'

There're lotsa reasons for someone to get tattooed, but it's really more of a self-expression thing. I can go on and on about it but there's this thing today that kinda reaffirmed my thinking. I dropped by Dad's place and his childhood friend was there and cause he was an ang kong siao too Dad asked me to show him my tattoo. And I could feel that he was kinda proud of me, in a way I carried on his...legacy if you will, and I was glad that I could get his approval too.

Just a sad little lost boy craving for his father's acceptance? Maybe. But what's me is me, and it's a way to show what I am. There'll always be haters who will say you're wrong or you're not good enough but the choice is ours to believe in them or believe in ourselves.

For now, I can still see myself getting inked many more times in years to come although I think I'll be on a shoe-string budget for quite sometime still.

Inked.

Haha since I'm at it here's a bonus photo below. Don't be too impressed my room just got great lighting and this FBT I'm wearing is owningly tight. I just love to fake being fit when I'm a fat fuck:

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New year, new house.

It's been a crazy past week with all the packing and moving and unpacking and moving somemore, tired like hell! After all that's said and done, I'm officially back to the estate where I spent the last few months of my Dunman High days taking 158 to school. There's alot more walking here though cause I don't wanna waste 67cents just to take 1 stop to the MRT station. Oh well, cardio cardio cardio.

The house is still in a mess and I've still got my books and a few boxes in my room that needs some unpacking. That can wait until I've got some electricity in my room cause apparently I'm the only one without light and electricity in the house, can't see shit even in the day.

Another major event that took place is..... the NS medical checkup. The most much-feared-check-cock part actually just took 5 seconds, and we were asked to stand at least 3 metres away from the doctor. Haha seems like he is as scared of us as much as we are scared of him. The vocation assessment is crazy. All the tough mathematical and physics question really killed me... It's not a stupid test as many would call it. It's a test that makes us feel stupid, so we make ourselves feel better by calling it a stupid test.

I still can't bear to watch when the needle was inserted into my vein for the blood test. I laid back and act relax but I was really damn scared lol. It was only after the needle is in then I force myself to look at it. Tried to maintain my view there but I just cannot stomach it. Yes, I didn't dare to look for more than 10 seconds during my tattoo sessions too. The pain sensation is a enjoyable in a way if you can let yourself go and experience it, but looking at it is just crazy.

Anyway, I'm PES D! Still pending lol. Update later with photos of the new crib.

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Messed up.

me: "you always make me feel silly :("

reply: "because you are"

I'm really pretty silly ain't I? Dwelling on insignificant matters and always going out of point. I really don't know what else to do or how else to behave and it really seemed right at that point of time. I think sooner or later I'm gonna have to let it all out regardless of the consequences because it's really killing me. It's like I've built this wall of pretense to defend myself and brick by brick it's being taken apart, sooner or later everything's gonna come tumbling down and I'll find myself in yet another mess. And I'll probably die you know, like, just die somewhere.

Last Wednesday's duty with Corera was another one of those "magical bonding session" again. We didn't play psp or rest during our break and just laid on the bed and talked cock for 3 hours straight before going for our 2nd prowl. Somehow we can relate to each other really well and we let each other in on stuff that I wouldn't even imagine telling anyone in STC, considering this was like the first time we really talked. Amazing guard duty huh. And he managed to convince me to do something about it even if it meant being taken for a ride. Okay, maybe he didn't really convince me because I've meant to do the same thing also, but he merely gave me a little push to make myself feel better in case I was really taken for a ride. Like, "I knew it, I shouldn't have done it. Stupid Corera!" that kinda thing. But nope it didn't happen that night but I'm pretty sure it's gonna happen soon, when I'm really READY ready.

I'm really hopeless. I know, all my friends know, and I suspect even my grandma and mum knows it by now. In fact my grandma probably has always known that I'm hopeless since way back when it first started. I've tried all methods to make it go away but it's just here to stay. I've tried embracing it but that didn't work out either. It's just me, and this is just the way I am. Selfish as can be, childish maybe, but I can't change what I am. I tried, really, but I just can't.

Picked up this book called "A Spot Of Bother" from Popular 2 weeks back, just finished reading it 3 days ago. Although the sex scenes are pretty graphic (especially the homosexual ones), the style of writing and story itself really appealed to me. Short sentences and chapters filled with sacarsm and wit. I actually see a little of myself in all the characters in the book. I'm like Katie, always wanting to be in charge, to feel better than someone else. I'm like Jamie, building a routine and comfort zone for myself and not letting anyone in or myself out of it. I'm like Jean, too weak to take actions and lacking a certain moral discipline. All the characters are totally flawed and fucked up and I know, there're really people like that in life. I'm one of them. I think I could've fitted into the book somewhere what with all these flaws, irrationality and selfishness of my actions. None of the characters really knew what love is all about, but they all eventually came round to the idea at the end of the book (of course). I still don't.

I was browsing on facebook when I came to Pearly's profile and saw her photos with her boyfriend. Strangely, I didn't feel none of the bitterness I felt sometime back. I just smiled and remembered what a cute girl she was (she's really cute, on top of looking cute at all) and how she used to make me laugh. I'm sure her boyfriend must be having a good time laughing at her cute actions too. I don't know where all the bitterness had gone to, probably it was overshadowed by my fucked up emotions from last night, maybe I've really gotten around it. I saw her sis's comment on how blissful she looks now with her boyfriend and deep inside I really felt the same and happy for her. Perhaps for the very first time, honestly. It's been what, almost half a year since we broke up? I'm really sorry about the fact that we couldn't remain as friends. I thought we could've been really great friends and company since we've been together for so long and we would really understand each other. But it's okay, probably for the best cause it's just coming from my selfish point of view.

At least it wouldn't be the same mistake that I'm committing. I've always said that "Come on, I've got so many friends, having one less won't kill me. I can get through this." But I never could and just by still being friends it's not exactly killing me, more like slicing off my flesh bit by bit. Oh gosh, I'm so fucked and messed up. Promised Hx an explosive jing bao blog post but ended up talking in riddles afterall.

Soon, soon, the explosive jing bao one will come. I'll do something about it.

Until then I'm out.

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The trouble with love is

I guess this song tells a better story than I do. Does music really have healing powers I wonder.

The Trouble With Love Is

Love can be a many splendored thing
Can't deny the joy it brings
A dozen roses, diamond rings
Dreams for sale and fairy tales
It'll make you hear a symphony
And you just want the world to see
But like a drug that makes you blind
It'll fool ya every time

[chorus]
The trouble with love is
It can tear you up inside
Make your heart believe a lie
It's stronger than your pride
The trouble with love is
It doesn't care how fast you fall
And you can’t refuse the call
See you've got no say at all

Now I was once a fool it's true
I played the game by all the rules
But now my world’s a deeper blue
I'm sadder but I'm wiser too
I swore I'd never love again
I swore my heart would never mend
Said love wasn’t worth the pain
But then I hear it call my name

[chorus]

Every time I turn around
I think I've got it all figured out
My heart keeps callin'
And I keep on fallin'
Over and over again
This sad story always ends the same
Me standin' in the pourin' rain
It seems no matter what I do
It tears my heart in two

[chorus]

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Samsung Galaxy Note II N7105 White 4G/LTE Factory Unlocked International Version LTE/4G BANDS 800 / 900 / 1800 / 2600 by Samsung

Features

• 4G BANDS: LTE 800 / 900 / 1800 / 2600 3G: 850 / 900 / 2100
• Super AMOLED: 720 x 1280 pixels, 5.5 inches (~267 ppi)
• Internal Memory: 16GB storage, 2 GB RAM
• CPU: Quad-core 1.6 GHz Cortex-A9
• OS: Android OS, v4.1.1 (Jelly Bean)

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Product Description
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