So the all important D-day is just about 8 hours away. Where will I be posted to? Storeman? Driver? Rifleman? Medic? Combat medic? I shudder to think. Please please not some lan jiao vocation that must chiong sua chiong hai and as Vincent puts it, whole section feel the pain and hug together and cry. Storeman! Driver!Added another 2 CDs - Dido and David Cook. Dido is what I'll say, quite hypnotic and insnomia-curing. Great for sleep-listening. I highly reccommend David Cook to all though, his songs are pretty mainstream and despite all sounding quite similar, they all sound quite good. I only don't like 2 songs out of the entire album which is pretty decent already considering how rare it is for one to find a CD that all the songs are nice. A few songs that stand out for me are Come Back To Me, Lie, Light On, I Did It For You and really the rest are also quite nice too. Favourite song of the moment is Lie:"So lie to me and tell me that it's gonna be alright, so lie to me and tell me that we'll make it through the night. I don't mind if you wait before you tear me apart, so look me in the eye, and lie lie lie."I've more or less recovered from my lung infection although the Doc said that it'll take around 2-4 weeks for it to clear completely. I wonder how true that is. Nevermind since she booked an appt for me sometime next next week on a Monday and that means I can book out for a while! Don't know if it's a good thing. Hope it's not very troublesome and far at my new unit though. I'm not sure if it's because I've been drinking excessively or smoking recently (although I've yet to touch alcohol for coming to 2 weeks) but I can seriously feel my fitness level chui-ing. Took last week off cause of the infection thing and went for a jog a few days ago. I seriously could feel my soul leaving my body after like running at 14min-pace for a while, like probably not even 10mins. Liddat how to be chiong sua man? Another reason to pray for a slack posting. Got block leave also sian, no block leave also sian. All my homeboys stuck in camp can only book out on weekends. My weekdays are just waiting to be burnt. My campmates are either clubbing or night-cycling so I can't meet them cause I can't do both. For very different reasons of course the first being I'm dead broke now and second cause...I can't cycle (like who don't know). Met up with Fel yesterday and crashed her and HX's lecture today. Thankfully still got people to meet yknow. And yes I crashed her lecture just to borrow $30 from her. I'll return asap! I'm narrating in reverse chronological order now. Finally after over 2 years, I got my new tattoo on the left arm. Here goes: 
Saving the top of my left shoulder for something else I have in mind but not really sure yet. Seriously I feel more complete now with tattoos on both arms if not like half-pail shit like that one side got one side don't have. I know it's nothing compared to full-backs or full-sleeves but I'm not on that level also. So all that's left is my upper back and as I mentioned earlier a small one on the top of my left shoulder. Places I really wanna tattoo are actually my forearms but sigh, social stigma and career prospects and stuff so gotta shelve these plans back indefinitely.
Anyway, I seriously forgot how painful it is to tattoo until last night. It's damn painful ok. Think I was too nervous so bled quite alot. Don't let anyone tell you that it's not because it hurts like fuck especially during outlining and poking the inner flesh like the bicep. I sound pussy I know but for first-timers or those considering to get a tattoo, reconsider and reconsider again because the pain is probably nothing you've felt before. Especially if you're exceptionally skinny or you're planning to tattoo on bony places or on the inner side of your arms. Heard that the most painful part is the rib cage, dare to try anyone? I don't.
And then there was Monday when Tania came over and spent quite the most wonderful day with me for a long while (for me anyway). We really maximized her day and squeezed quite a lot of activities in which made her had to wake up earlier than usual. Considering that we seem to meet at intervals of 2-3months she owes me about just as much yeah. We chilled out at my place where she helped iron my clothes (thanks again maid), bought Steven's birthday present, ate dinner, watched a movie, just doing regular things that regular friends would do. Isn't that how healthy friendships should be? Yknow, just hanging out and staying in contact in both good times and bad. All the late-night meetings when things are really really bad seem to be a far distance away, but then again that's how our friendship had been like for the past 4-5 years. Is it too late to change?
I'm pretty sure there's an opportune moment for everything and I know, yes I know, that opportune moment had passed me by long ago. The rational side of me knows that this is yet another passing phase but these somewhat cyclical feelings come so thick and fast how do I know how and when to stop. I'm pretty torn between the roles that I'm playing.
It always goes like this:
Step 1 - I wonder why I ever pushed her away. We get each other so much and she totally makes me feel at ease with myself. What a friend. It's simply not worth it to throw this all away for something that will never, and never ought to, happen.
Step 2 - Uhhh, I'm not so sure about what I'm feeling man. I know what ought to be done, but I don't seem to have the self-restraint required to do it. This is getting hard.
Step 3 - Okay, I think it's best for me to cool off a little and not think of her so much. It would be easier if we don't talk to each other. Afterall I know how lazy she is if I don't contact her she probably won't contact me. Not that she needs to. I guess I don't need to contact her either. I'm fine before all this happened, and I'll be fine after all this blows off.
You get the idea. I can't seem to break out of this 3-step cycle. Sometimes I wonder how the hell am I going to get a girlfriend (and I'm not talking about my lack of looks, money and many other flaws etc.), because it seems that the feelings that I had or will have for other girls can never be compared to what I have for her. Although the above 3-step cycle greatly helps in making these feelings fade, it generally comes back when I'm at Step 2. Is this what you call a crush? But on the same person for so long and so many times repeatedly? Will I find these answers in chick lit?
I seriously do need to get out more and widen my social circle so that I can get to meet someone so special that can make me change my mind. And I'm sure I would eventually. But until then, I can only do what I've been doing and it's just going round and round in circles like a fool, like a dog chasing its tail but never catching it.
Pardon the lengthy entry because I probably can only be online once or twice a month! Before I end off, I seriously encourage whoever you are to support David Cook cause he's good and I hope he does better than the previous American Idols whose careers just petered off after the show. And by support I mean buy his CD, don't download.
7+ more hours to the most important moment in my life, storeman baby storeman. I'm out.
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