Back of the net.

I previously decided that I should stop blogging cause there's not alot to blog about and anyway during that period of time my internet got cut once again cause of unpaid bills. My uncle finally paid 'em bills and today is the grand day of reconnection so maybe, just maybe, the revival of blogging again.

I'm feeling so so so so angry and bitter and spiteful and betrayed and whatever for the past few days. I'm someone who's rather concerned with 'face' and if you know me you'll probably realise that I'm willing to do extra work take extra shit just to avoid situations whereby things may turn ugly between people around me. Hmm what do you call that, fronting? YEA I FRONT ALOT WTF.

I take so much shit alot of times just to try and hold people together and keep things from falling apart. Honestly all these things/people are just a total waste my time. In the past whenever I feel this way I'll always take it back and tell myself they're all my friends. We're close friends, we're buddies, they would've done the same for me if they're in my shoes. WELL WILL THEY? NO. APPARENTLY NO.

I used to group the people around me into the following: family/homies, close friends, good friends, friends, others. Now it's just: family/homies, friends and others. And what's the key to this division? Reciprocate. Whenever I'm gonna do something for someone, I'll consider if he would do the same for me. If I know it's a hell no and I still go ahead with it ain't I really stupid then?

For example, if you're gonna ask me out and I know you'll be late for 30mins-1hour from past experience, I'll consider if you'll be willing to wait the same amount of time for me if I'm the one being late before agreeing to meet up. Take homies, I can wander alone at City Hall for 1 hour myself and wait for another hour with Vincent for David cause I know he'd do the same for me. For others, come on, don't even bother asking me out next time since I know you're so not worth my time. I won't go anyway. I'll have tons of excuses, exams, projects, girlfriend, whatever. I'm just not gonna go. So you guys can stop asking altogether if you got the message and carry on the 'best-buddy-best-friends for life' act on your own.

Been watching re-runs of the Apprentice alot on Channel 5 recently. They showed like the previous 2 seasons consecutively and I've almost been watching from 1-2am everynight. Reality TV is usually not so reality but I do get inspired by that show cause it does shows the competitiveness of the corporate world. I'm gonna bring the same competitive edge to my studies from now right on because I think, for the same reason as mentioned above, it's another total waste of time to be nice and keep up with the care-and-share thing with people who won't reciprocate.

Not referring to anyone particular, but you guys can say what you want cause your intentions were so blatantly displayed from your reactions I couldn't have interpreted it any other way. Doesn't matter anyway. I could've been too sensitive or misunderstood or whatever. Doesn't matter. I'm gonna take on a siege mentality from now on and unless I feel that you're worth it I won't provide any help to anyone. So next time think of what you can do for me before asking me for help. If you yourself can't think of anything, don't bother asking cause I won't help out of goodwill or friendship or whatever bullshit. I'm gonna take as much advantage as I can and not be fair to anyone cause NO ONE WILL BE FAIR TO ME ANYWAY.

Of course such treatment only extends to the category of Others. Judging by how spiteful and bitter I'm feeling right now, there's only an ever so thin line between Friends and Others.

Me against the world!