I don't know.

I suddenly had a whole barrel-load of thoughts rushing to my head on the way to Yishun after leaving my dad's place today. Actually now that I calmed down and thought about it a little, this whole thing can actually be quite simple. My dad wants my help, I help him with whatever I can. There shouldn't be a problem at all. The thing is, if you don't already know, I don't exactly have the best or even normal relationship with my parents. And it's funny how both of them are asking the same thing of me at the same time even though they haven't been on talking terms for like, the whole of my life.

Strange coincidence? I haven't actually decide what to do yet. But I know for sure I'm not helping my mom. She makes it sounds like she's helping me out but I know better, and I don't want anything to do with it or with her. She told me awhile back that she might have the chance to go overseas to work and I fully encouraged her right there and then to do so. I know this might sound unfilial or fucked up, but I'm at this point that I don't really want to be around her because things are really not working out between both of us. What can you do when your mother happens to be a perptual liar? You send her away or try to keep yourself away from her, whichever is easier.

And the thing with my dad, although it might seem very simple and un-complicated on the surface to others - it's only a signature afterall, what it actually symbolises to me is a long-time commitment to acknowledge our kinship and I'm not exactly fully-prepared or ready to do so. I'm 21 this year (finally) and my life is just about to begin. ALONE. All the years past leading up to now I've been planning to lead it without them. Now what? Should I or shouldn't I?

They're both selfish compulsive liars, but if I have to choose the lesser of 2 evils, I guess my dad is a little better than my mom in a sense that he's really more lazy and incompetent to be as scheming as my mom is. Of course, the best scenario is that I have nothing whatsoever to do with the both of them and I'm trying really hard to achieve this but it sure ain't easy.

This is actually pretty hard afterall. I felt a little needy wishing that there was someone I could talk to and ask for some advice on this earlier. And I feel ashamed of that now. I hate to feel needy, it makes me feel weak and desperate which sometimes I really am I gotta admit. But that's something for me to overcome right? You can't go running to people everytime you feel needy. I strive to be self-sufficient, and I wish I could say I'm pretty good at that by now but I really can't. At least I'm trying, I practically spent the whole day alone doing things I wanna do without bothering other people.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't need anyone else the way they don't need me. But the world ain't perfect neither am I. I seriously sound like I got some issues I know.

Alright then, let me think this over myself in camp. Perhaps I can come up with an answer by next week. Till then.