I still don't. But I'm trying.

Much as we try to leave someone or something behind, they always find a way to hang onto your coat-tails and follow you wherever you go. I felt there were irreconcilliable differences between dear and I, things that cannot be changed no matter how many times we try or how much time has passed. Honestly, they still exist between us and always will. It's a matter of dealing with it now.

A few days back I kinda reached my limit and asked for the break-up. But I guess that's the way things are, everyone needs a release sometimes and I think I managed to put across my point about us fighting. It makes both of us feel so like shit.

So this is not the end yet, but I can't help but wonder if I am really strong enough to pick up and leave when the end ever really comes. I tried to this time, but I cannot do it. Somehow I just feel that she's my responsibility and I'll find myself worrying about stuff like if she can cope with her studies, what if she's bored, who can she talk to and stuff. This type of thing just grows on you without you even realising it when you're in a relationship. Is this love then? Maybe.

But I think as I discussed with dear before, this whole disillusionment I get about love kinda stems from my perfectionism towards it. I believe love is something infallible, something that shouldn't be tainted with endless fights and making each other feel like shit all the time. Of course, nothing and no one in reality is infallible and that's something I'll have to learn and accept.

That's that for love life. Friends? Man I gotta admit I'm a little disappointed. I don't wanna say more cause talk is cheap but then again all we ever do is talk, and when I needed some help you couldn't even TALK to me? You're very busy. You got loads of stuff on your hands and like what I always believed you gotta let go of something to hold onto something else. And you don't realise that through the things you do and more so the things you didn't do, something is slowly but silently slipping away.

But what do I gotta complain about? It appears like I always turn to you only when I run into some trouble if not we normally wouldn't even talk cause there's not so much to talk about. What kind of friends behave this way anyway? I don't know what's wrong with us, me, and what's up with the genuinely contact thing. Whatever. Just let it slip away silently.

Gosh I sound so bitter and full of resentment haha. Update again tomorrow. With photos!

The Scientist by Coldplay. OMG FUCKING OWN:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3Kd7IGPyeg